February 2023 - Dr. Aster Newsletter Cover Photo

6 Activities to Help You Love Yourself More Everyday – Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna – Psy.D in Montclair

6 Activities to Help You Love Yourself More Everyday -
Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna - Psy.D in Montclair

February 2023 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers,

 

Happy February!

Many of us know this month to sensationalize Valentine’s Day, the day to celebrate the ever-growing bond and love between two people in a romantic partnership. While you will be able to find a great deal of content regarding “Acting with Love” within a couple’s context (check out my IG, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn for more), today I would like to focus on self-love: what it is, why it’s important, and how we can bring it to life.

What is self-love?

Self-love is a conscious choice that requires both intention and willingness to take personal responsibility for your own well-being. The most genuine and enduring love should always be the love you have for yourself. This means not only loving all the positive qualities about yourself, but also the traits that you may perceive as negative or shameful: your fears, perceived weaknesses, peculiarities, past painful experiences, etc. Once you start to allow yourself to love the totality of you wholeheartedly, without reservation, a whole wor;d of possibilities opens up: your relationships improve, your intrinsic validation improves, your confidence & courage improves, and your overall experience of genuine contentment improves.

What does “self-love” mean to you?

This month, I invite you to define what it really means to love yourself, to begin and/or restart your self-nourishing practices, and to push yourself to say and believe the words “I love you” to the one person that deserves to hear it more than anyone – YOU! Below you will find some examples of how to engage in self-love.

6 Self-Love Activities to Help You Improve Your Well-Being

 

1. Nourish with love: Choosing to fill your body with foods that make you feel good, not in an effort to avoid painful emotions, thoughts, or circumstances, but rather in the service of celebrating what your body needs (and maybe even wants)! Enjoy that kale and banana smoothie, and allow yourself to take pleasure in that brownie bottom sundae.

2. Move with love: Moving our bodies reminds us that we are alive and supplies us with endorphins that boost our mood. Choose a few minutes each day to commit to movement – yoga, dancing, stretching, walking, jogging. The key here is not to force movement but to relish in it.

3. Take a day off with love: Choose one day this month to take off and spend this whole day resting to help recover from all of the stressors of the world. This may also include pampering yourself when you need it.

4. Bathe/Shower with love: While bathing, indulge yourself in your favorite soap, turn on your favorite music, light your favorite candle, and simply ease into relaxation.
 
5. Solo trip with love: Even if you don’t love solo trips, pick a day to backpack for an adventure where you can enjoy yourself without the company of others. Perhaps you might take yourself out to eat, go shopping, go to a play or movie premiere.
 
6. Meditate with love: Choose a 5–10-minute span of time each day, either morning, afternoon, or evening, to devote to pure meditation. Simply being. Embarking on an inward journey can teach you more about yourself than anything or anyone ever can. Try out these iPhone apps – Calm, Insight Timer, Headspace.
 

Your February of Self-Love Starts Now!

 

This is your time to treat yourself with kindness, gentleness, compassion, and forgiveness. In fact, Self-Love Day this year takes place on Monday, February 13th, 2023. What action can you commit to doing on this day in the service of loving yourself?

 

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

 
By the way, if you feel that have gotten any value from these monthly newsletters, be sure to follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn where I share more tips, tricks, guides, and updates several times per week, and feel free to share this newsletter as well on social media to help bring more value to others! I would really appreciate the help as I continue growing and creating change through courage, compassion, and connection with others!
 

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

January 23- Dr. Aster Newsletter Cover Photo

How to Set a SMART New Year’s Resolution for 2023 – Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D in Montclair, NJ

How to Set a SMART New Year's Resolution for 2023 -
Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D in Montclair, NJ

January 2023 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers,

 

3… 2… 1… Happy New Year!

As the holiday season is winding down, and we are entering into the new year, many of us have the intention of setting “New Year’s Resolutions.” How many of us, however, have gone full speed the first two weeks of January at changing our behavior to reach our goal, only to fall back into old patterns of behavior shortly thereafter? In this month’s newsletter, I am going to give you some tips and tricks on not only how to initiate behavior change, but also how to maintain and sustain it.

 

Determine Your “Why”

First things first: what is your WHY factor? Why make this resolution now? What is important about making this behavior change? How could achieving this goal, or set of goals, increase your quality of life? Is it in the service of your Physical Health/Self-Care? Family? Friends/Social Life? Intimate Relationships? Community? Spirituality? Work? Education/Training? Recreation/Fun? It’s much easier for us to take action on our goals when they are aligned with what we value and care about most.

 

Set a New Year’s Resolution with a SMART Goal

Next, many of us set grandiose goals that sound great in theory, yet in reality, they may not be that easily attainable, reasonable, or realistic. To narrow down your New Year’s Resolution, it’s helpful to break your goals down into specific steps using the S.M.A.R.T. goal acronym:

    • S: Specific – What do you want to achieve? What does your goal involve? What are you trying to accomplish? When and why do you want to make this goal happen? Look out for any roadblocks that could keep you from reaching our goal, and make plan to overcome them.

    • M: Measurable – Break your New Year’s goal setting into bite-size chunks. Give yourself daily, weekly, and monthly steps to take. Focus on those, and when you accomplish one, tackle the next one. Some questions to ask yourself are: “How long will it take to reach my goal?”, “How do I know when I’ve reached my goal?”

    • A: Achievable/Adaptive – Is it possible? Is this goal likely to improve your life in some way?

    • R: Realistic – Is it realistic? Consider the following factors: time, finances, health, resources, social support, skills

    • T: Timely – It’s important to set a time limit – because you need a finish line! Take that goal of yours, create a plan, and break it all the way down into daily activities, then give yourself a deadline. Planners can be a really helpful tool here – they’ll help you manage your schedule, grow as a person, and crush your goals – no matter what they are.

 
 

“A Year From Now, You May Wish You Had Started Today.” -Karen Lamb

Once you have a set plan with concrete actionable steps to reach your goal that is in line with your values, then next step is to take action. If necessary, you can break your goal down into smaller steps by asking yourself “What is the smallest, easiest step that I can begin with?”

 

Research demonstrates that if you make a public commitment to your goal, such as sharing your goal to a friend, partner, loved one, coworker, etc., then you are much more likely to follow through with it. If you are not willing to do this, then at the very least, make a commitment to yourself. Try it out by filling in the blank:

 

I commit to [write your values-guided SMART goal here]:

______________________________________________________________________________________
 
 

Give Yourself Grace – You Can Do It!

I hope these tips and tricks work in your favor to begin and/or restart acting in important ways in line with your values! Please remember that we are only human and fully capable of error, so if you find yourself veering off course, this is not an indication that you are not capable of achieving your goal. Rather, this is an opportunity for you to practice grace, forgiveness, and compassion with yourself, and to gently guide yourself back on track.

 

Follow Me on Social Media For More Tips!

With all that said, Happy New Year everyone! May 2023 be your best year yet!

 

By the way, if you feel that have gotten any value from these monthly newsletters, be sure to follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn where I share more tips, tricks, guides, and updates several times per week. I would really appreciate the help as I continue growing and creating change through courage, compassion, and connection with others!

 

Many thanks!

 

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

 
*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*
Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.
(She/Her/Hers)
NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ
Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology
Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science
Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris
December - Dr. Aster Newsletter Cover Photo

‘Tis The Season – 25 Days of Gratitude Calendar for December 2022 by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D

'Tis The Season -
25 Days of Gratitude Calendar for December 2022
by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D

December 2022 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers,

 

Spread the Holiday Cheer with Gratitude!

We are now deep in the throes of the 2022 Holiday season, and for this month’s newsletter, I’d like to focus on how this Holiday season can be a “Season of Gratitude”. Taken right from Webster’s dictionary, the word gratitude literally means “an emotion of the heart, excited by a favor or benefit received; a sentiment of kindness or good will towards the benefactor; thankfulness”.

 

My Gift to You –
25 Days of Gratitude Calendar to Download and Print

It is well researched that expressing gratitude can help us feel more positive emotions, savor and appreciate our experiences, improve our mental-physical-emotional health, deal with life challenges & adversities, and help us to build and maintain strong relationships. Throughout the month of December, I would like to share with you my own version of an “Advent” Calendar. These are small suggestions for each day of the month of ways that you can cultivate and spread gratitude. Feel free to follow along each day of my “25 Days of Gratitude Calendar” or come up with your own unique ways to demonstrate gratitude this holiday season! Use the “Notes” section to help you keep track of any wins you have this month or any thoughts or feelings that come up as you practice these gratitude exercises.

 

25 Days of Gratitude
Click to Download

Thank You!

Before I conclude with this month’s newsletter, I must share in my own deep gratitude to past, current, and prospective clients for their continued faith in the power of the therapeutic process, and for the very hard & sometimes very challenging work they do both inside the therapy room and outside in their everyday lives. Thank you for trusting me, for trusting the process.

 

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

 

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

November 2022 - Dr. Aster Newsletter Cover Photo

The Holiday Season Is Upon Us – Here’s 8 Tips on How to Avoid Holiday Burnout

The Holiday Season Is Upon Us -
Here’s 8 Tips on How to Avoid Holiday Burnout

November 2022 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers,

 

Season’s Greetings!

Happy November! With the holidays rapidly approaching, I thought I would share some helpful bits of information as we all navigate the complexities of our emotional experiences during “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”.

 

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year… or is it?

Contrary to societal belief that the holiday season is filled with joy for all, it can actually be a trying time for many, with bouts of depression, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and stress creeping upon us. While the holiday season does come with excitement and anxious anticipation, for some it also brings potential painful memories and close encounters with toxic relationships that can put stress and strain on the mind and body.

 

“Holiday Who-be What-ee?” – The Grinch

Some sources of stress around the holidays include burnout and exhaustion, setting unrealistic expectations for yourself, strained and conflictual family ties, financial stress, and the emotional toll that comes with memories of past holidays or loved ones lost. While all of this can be true for many, what is also true is that you have the ability to control and manage the amount of stress exerted upon you.

 

8 Tips on How to Avoid and Overcome Holiday Burnout

Read on for some helpful hints to get the most out of “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings:

Try not to force yourself to be happy just because it is the holiday season. Grief and sadness are normative emotional reactions when someone close to you has passed on that will not be present during the standard holiday traditions. Open up to all of your feelings just as they are. All feelings are welcome. All feelings are valid.

2. Reach Out:

If you are noticing yourself isolating and feeling lonely, now is the time to reach out to your safe group of peers and family members, your community, your spiritual affiliation, and it may even be a nice time to volunteer to help others in need.

3. Be Realistic:

Let go of the need to have the “perfect holiday experience” and allow the holidays to unfold organically. This takes the pressure off you and offers you an opportunity to pay attention to the simple joys as they come.

4. Set Aside Differences:

Don’t expect long-standing family problems to disappear just because it is the holiday season. Instead, you can reduce the amount of time you plan to spend with difficult family members, let go of past conflicts and resentments, and balance your own needs with your family’s needs.

5. Stick to a Budget:

Be realistic! Do not allow your finances to take a hit in an effort to please everyone. Set a budget, and stick to it. You will be proud of your accomplishment at the end. Alternatives to excessive spending can include donating to charity in someone’s name, giving homemade gifts, and starting a family gift exchange.

6. Learn to say No:

Even if it makes you uncomfortable. This is an important skillset for self-care. Be aware of your own limits, notice when your emotional tank is running low, and press pause, refuel, rest, and regroup.

7. Hang on to Healthy Habits:

While it can be very easy to slip away from our typical routine during the holiday season with the many delicious cookies and sweet treats to choose from, as well as time off from work (for some), do your best to maintain your routine each day. Mindful eating, moderate physical activity, and quality over quantity of sleep are of the utmost importance.

8. Slow Down & Enjoy:

Stay in the moment. Notice what is going on around you through your senses – what do you see? Hear? Touch? Taste? Smell? When not so helpful thoughts creep into your focal point of awareness, say “Thank you mind for that thought” and return your attention back to the people and activities surrounding you. Take quiet time to be rejuvenated. Allow yourself a 10-minute rhythmic breathing exercise, body scan, progressive muscle relaxation, or another meditation of choice.

 

Have a Happy Holiday Season!

Hopefully by following these practical pointers, you might end up enjoying the holiday season even more than you thought you would!

 

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

 

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ
 
Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology
 
Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science
 
Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris
October 2022- Dr. Aster Newsletter Cover Photo

October is National Depression and Mental Health Screening Month – Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

October is National Depression
and Mental Health Screening Month -
Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

October 2022 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers,

 

It is so nice to connect with you again! Thank you to those who have offered encouragement and support in my journey of aligning with the greater community towards my personal and professional goal of spreading awareness and decreasing the stigma of mental illness through my monthly newsletters!

What’s New?

 

We are midway through October and this is a month filled with a focus on mental health education and depression awareness. That said, October is National Depression and Mental Health Screening Month. This observance aims to provide education and awareness of the symptoms of depression, the multipath model of the etiology of depression (e.g., biological/biochemical, genetic, psychological, social, socio-cultural influences), gender/age differences in the expression of depression, and gold-standard, evidence-based treatment options for depression tailored to the individual’s own needs and circumstances. Depression is a highly treatable condition with the help of a mental health professional.

Fun Fact:

 

In 1990, Congress established the first full week of October as Mental Health Awareness Week, in recognition of the National Alliance on Mental Illness’ (NAMI) efforts to raise awareness of mental illness. Mental Health Awareness Week followed this schedule of important topics:

 
    1. Monday, 10/03/2022: Stigma
    2. Tuesday, 10/04/2022: Medication [National Day of Prayer for Mental Illness Recovery and Understanding]
    3. Wednesday, 10/05/2022: Therapy
    4. Thursday, 10/06/2022: Disclosing
    5. Friday, 10/07/2022: Caregiving
    6. Saturday, 10/08/2022: National Depression Screening Day
    7. Monday, 10/10/2022: World Mental Health Day

Continue Spreading The Word!

 

Mental illness affects everyone, both directly and indirectly, through our family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and strangers that we see crossing the street. No one has to experience mental illness alone. We are doing an amazing job at spreading awareness of mental illness, decreasing the stigma of reaching out for help, and promoting the notion that mental illness is real, help is available, and recovery is possible, and, there is still work that needs to be done!

 

What can you do to help?

 

This is where our greater community can chime in:

 
    1. What is one meaningful action that you can take today in an effort to decrease the stigma of mental illness and spread awareness?
      1. Might you be willing to talk openly with a friend about your own mental health struggles? Or ask curiously and non-judgmentally about theirs?
      2. Might you show compassion for those struggling with mental illness? Perhaps through maintaining eye contact as they share, and offering your gentle presence while resisting the urge to problem solve?
      3. Might you choose empowerment over shame? Meaning, could you choose to own your own story, as unique and beautifully imperfect as it is, and refuse to let others’ negative/skewed perspective of mental illness impact your own narrative?
    2. What might be one meaningful action that you can take today to increase your own mental health?
      1. Could it be getting to sleep one hour earlier?
      2. Could it be choosing to take the stairs vs. the elevator?
      3. Could it be choosing to make amends with an estranged relative/friend?

#TakeStridesToSaveLives2022

 

I put my commitment to spreading awareness and decreasing the stigma of mental illness by participating in the 5th Annual Opioid Awareness Walk on Sunday, 10/15/2022. This initiative was held by the Essex Health and Wellness Recovery Center. The slogan for this event was #TakeStridesToSaveLives2022, and we walked to spread awareness of the danger of opioids and fentanyl; to thank those who are addressing the overdose pandemic; to remember those who have died from overdose; and to applaud those who have found the gift of recovery.

Until Next Time!

 

Thanks so much for your time today, and I cannot wait to connect again next month as I share some tips & tricks to tolerate the Holiday season!

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list.

 

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris
September 2022 - Dr. Aster Newsletter Cover Photo

Meet The Montclair Therapist – Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D. – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Meet The Montclair Therapist –
Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D. –
Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

September 2022 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ
 
 

Dear Readers,

 

Hello, and welcome to the first of many monthly newsletters! My hope in this endeavor is to encourage a platform for interested folks to learn more about how we, as a community, can better conceptualize, understand, appreciate, practice and promote mental health and wellness.

Who am I?

 

First and foremost, let me start off by introducing myself and letting the audience know a little bit about me both professionally and personally. My name is Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D., and I am licensed psychologist in private practice in Montclair, NJ. My niche is working with adults struggling with symptoms related trauma and addiction. Sub-niches include working with adults presenting with issues of anxiety, depression, grief and loss, and stress management.

What do I do?

 

I function primarily from an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) theoretical orientation, which is a contemporary form of Cognitive Behavior Therapy. At its core, this therapeutic approach serves two main purposes:

 

1) Acknowledging and normalizing the inevitability of human pain through a compassion focused lens, and

 

2) Decreasing human suffering through making psychological contact with what that makes life rich, meaningful, and vital through our actions

Get to know me a little more!

 

At home, I live with my husband, my 11-year-old stepdaughter, my 2-year-old son, and our 4-year-old Bernadoodle named Lucas. Together as a family we enjoy arts and crafts, creating our own games, going for walks, making each other laugh, and enjoying our staple Friday Family movie nights. Personally, I enjoy being out in nature, especially near the ocean, listening to my favorite music and podcasts, practicing mindful meditation, and trying out new recipes.

Spread the word!

 

The main aim of this month’s newsletter is to help spread the word that September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. As a survivor of suicide loss myself, I whole heartedly believe that it is my mission to help end the stigma by inviting communication about suicide prevention, and promoting resources and awareness, such as knowing the warning signs and how we can help others and ourselves if we are experiencing a psychological emergency. Let’s dive right in …

 

Warning Signs of Suicide:

1. Comments or thoughts about suicide (“I wish I wasn’t here”; “I’m a burden and others would be better off without me”)

2. Significant emotional changes:

a. Increased feelings of:

i. Depression

ii. Hopelessness

iii. Helplessness

iv. Anxiety

v. Internal angst

3. Significant behavioral changes:

a. Increased alcohol and drug use;
b. Aggressive behavior;
c. Withdrawal and isolation from friends, family, community;
d. Impulsive or reckless behavior
e. Collecting and/or saving pills
f. Buying a weapon
g. Tying up loose ends, like organizing personal papers or paying off debts
h. Saying goodbye to friends and family
 

How We Can Help:

If you are someone you know is struggling or in a crisis, help is available. Call or text 988, or chat 988lifeline.org to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

You can also text NAMI to 741-741 to be connected to a free, trained Crisis Counselor

Resources:

1. National Alliance on Mental Illness: www.nami.org

2. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org/
 

How You Can Help Too!

Interested in helping to reduce the stigma and raise public awareness about suicide prevention? Consider participating in your local “Out of the Darkness Community Walk”. As a community, let’s come walk together, take strides in saving lives, and bring hope, one step at a time, to those affected by suicide. Find your local supporting event here: https://supporting.afsp.org/

Together, we as a community can work together to spread the news that mental illness is real, treatment is available, and recovery is possible!

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list.

 

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

 

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

The Montclair Therapist - Is Therapy For me

Is Therapy For Me? – by The Montclair Therapist, Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna Psy.D. – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

How Do I Know If Therapy Is The Right Fit For Me?
- by The Montclair Therapist

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Is Therapy Right For Me?

Contrary to popular misconception, you don’t have to be “crazy,” desperate, or on the brink of a meltdown to go to therapy. Most people can benefit from therapy at at least some point in their lives. Sometimes the signs are obvious—but at other times, something may feel slightly off and you can’t figure out what it is. So you trudge on, trying to sustain your busy life until it sets in that life has become unmanageable. Before it gets to this point, here are five signs you may need help from a pro.

5 Signs It’s Time to Seek Therapy

1. Feeling sad, angry, or otherwise “not yourself”:

Uncontrollable sadness, anger, or hopelessness may be signs of a mental health issue that can improve with treatment. If you’re eating or sleeping more or less than usual, withdrawing from family and friends, or just feeling “off,” talk to someone before serious problems develop that impact your quality of life. If these feelings escalate to the point that you question whether life is worth living or you have thoughts of death or suicide, reach out for help right away.

2. Abusing drugs, alcohol, food, or sex to cope:

When you turn outside yourself to a substance or behavior to help you feel better, your coping skills may need some fine-tuning. If you feel unable to control these behaviors or you can’t stop despite negative consequences in your life, you may be struggling with addictive or compulsive behavior that requires treatment.

3. You’ve lost someone or something important to you:

Grief can be a long and difficult process to endure without the support of an expert. While not everyone needs counseling during these times, there is no shame in needing a little help to get through the loss of a loved one, a divorce, or significant breakup, or the loss of a job, especially if you’ve experienced multiple losses in a short period of time.

4. Something traumatic has happened:

If you have a history of abuse, neglect, or other trauma that you haven’t fully dealt with, or if you find yourself the victim of a crime or accident, chronic illness or some other traumatic event, the earlier you talk to someone, the faster you can learn healthy ways to cope.

5. You can’t do the things you like to do:

Have you stopped doing the activities you ordinarily enjoy? If so, why? Many people find that painful emotions and experiences keep them from getting out, having fun and meeting new people. This is a red flag that something is amiss in your life.

Help is Available!

Recognizing the need for therapy can be challenging, but at the same time, it’s also an essential step toward improving your well-being. Hopefully this article has provided some help for you to determine if therapy might be the right choice for you. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. No matter what you're going through, support is available. Reaching out for assistance can lead to a healthier, happier you.

 

If you or someone you know is struggling with any of these issues, please don't hesitate to give me a call at 973-233-5433. If you are experiencing a psychiatric emergency call 911, go to your nearest emergency room, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988), and/or text "HOME" to the Crisis Text Line (741741).

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

Three Grounding Exercises for Anxiety Relief - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna

Three Grounding Exercises for Anxiety Relief – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

3 Grounding Exercises for Anxiety Relief -
by The Montclair Therapist

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Managing Anxiety with Self-Compassion

As quoted by Dr. Russell Kolts during his TED talk on “Anxiety, Compassion, and What It Means to be Strong” in 2015, “Anxiety tries to convince us that we have to act right now, but we don’t have to believe it. We can take a moment, work to balance our emotions first and then work with the situation.”

While anxiety can feel like a powerful, dynamic, all-encompassing, uncontrollable force in our bodies, many of us use the behavior of anxiety (such as isolating, procrastinating, yelling, overeating, etc.) as a mechanism to deal with things that make us uncomfortable. Compassion is the antidote to anxiety. Through self-compassion, we can learn to be strong and courageously face the things that scare us the most about ourselves, about other people, and about the world.

Below are three, easy-to-apply steps to practice self-compassion in a moment of anxiety that, with practice, can help prevent us from saying and doing things that we will likely later on regret, and instead, act in ways more in line with our values and the person that we want to be.

Step 1: Use the Distress Tolerance skill of STOP

Adapted from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (Marsha Linehan, 1993).

S - Stop! When the intense feeling of anxiety arises and you notice that this emotion is becoming ever more difficult to tolerate, just STOP! Do not react. Stop in your tracks. Do not do anything with your body or say anything with your mouth.

T – Take a step back. Remove yourself from the situation you are in. Walk away from the person, the event or the situation that you have found yourself in. Not forever, but just enough for you to take five deep and long belly breaths.

O – Observe. Observe, notice, pay attention and grow curious as to what is going on around you both on the outside (notice with your five senses all the things that you can see, hear, smell, touch and taste) as well as on the inside (notice what thoughts are showing up in this moment of anxiety and what is showing up in your physical body? Perhaps you might notice shallow breathing, a tight chest, knots in your stomach, hands and jaw clenched).

P – Proceed Mindfully. After you have stopped, taken a step back and observed both inside and outside of your body, then you can proceed mindfully. Act with awareness. Consider asking yourself “even in this moment of anxiety, which action can I take that will help me move in the direction of my values”?

Step 2: Try the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise

Try this basic grounding exercise of 5-4-3-2-1 to get you right back into the here-and-now experience through focusing in on your five senses, as anxiety can have this very strong way of hijacking our mind and body, often pulling us out of the present moment. This grounding technique allows us to take our focus off of the intense emotion of anxiety and allows us to hone in and focus in our surrounding environment instead. In essence, it allows us to “get out of our minds and into our life” (Steve Hayes, 2005).

 

5 – Name five things you can see in the room with you. Maybe it is your desk chair, your clock, your TV or a spot on the ceiling. No matter how big or small, simply name five things that you can see. There is no right or wrong ways to notice what you see.

4 – Name four things you can feel against your body or touch around you. Maybe it is the feeling of your hands against your desk chair. Maybe it’s the feeling of your sweater against your shoulder blades.

3 – Name three things you can hear right now. Make sure you focus on something external that you can hear such as the sound of raindrops, an airplane flying above or the sound of birds chirping.

2 – Name two things you can smell right now. Perhaps you can smell the faint smell of your perfume or cologne; perhaps you can smell the soap you use in the shower, a candle burning or perhaps even the smell of nature.

1 – Name one thing you can taste. What does the inside of your mouth taste like? Perhaps it tastes like the coffee or tea that you just took a sip of, gum or the sandwich from lunch. Focus on your mouth as the last step and take in what you can taste.

Step 3: Practicing Self-Compassion

Within your own heart is a limitless source of the healing energy of love – if we can allow ourselves to open up to it. The Loving-Kindness Meditation teaches a traditional practice for cultivating love and compassion within and for ourselves.

Practice using the Loving-Kindness Meditation (Sharon Salzberg, 2014) by first choosing a spot to sit in that is both comfortable yet dignified, either in a chair or on the ground. Allow yourself to gently close your eyes or focus your gaze gently on an object in front of you. Place your palms either face up or face down on your lap and gently roll your shoulders back so that your back is straight up, resting gently against the ground or cushion beneath you. Hold your head upright, as if there is an invisible string gently pulling at the top of your head. Then, when you’re ready, allow yourself to start breathing deeply, from your belly, in through your nose and out through your mouth. After five rounds of deep belly breaths, you can begin to introduce brief mantras into your practice, as you place both of your hands over your heart. You can say these mantras silently to yourself or out loud, whichever you prefer. You may use the mantras listed below or customize them in such a way that makes the most sense to you.

“May I be safe”.

“May I be happy”.

“May I be healthy”.

“May I live with ease”.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris