Don’t Stress It! – Your Monthly Dose of Sanity
- by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D
- Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ
April 2025 Newsletter

Dear Readers,
Understanding the Reality of Stress
Have you ever been given the recommendation from a trusted friend, physician, or other professional to “just reduce or lessen your stress”, or, better yet, “stay away from stress”, as a way to navigate physical and mental health challenges? If it was just that easy, many of us would be out of jobs! Just lessen your stress, and there will be no more mess! Right? …… wrong!
What if I told you that one of the many dichotomies of a life well lived is that we cannot go untouched by stressful experiences in our life. Sure, some of us will experience stress to a greater degree than others, but there is no way out of the experience. If stress is something that is inevitable, then it’s our defense, or our response to it, that is within our control!
The Impact of Stress on the Mind and Body: Symptoms, Triggers, and Long-Term Risks
Let’s first highlight what stress is, and how it can show up within us. The experience of stress is a reaction to a situation where one feels overwhelmed, anxious, and/or threatened. Some common and typical reactions to a stressful event (e.g., one more task added to your to-do list at 4:45pm on a Friday by your superior; a disagreement with a loved one; a planned trip being cancelled; realizing that your favorite coffee mug is nowhere to be found!, to name a few) include:
- Disbelief, shock, numbness, frozen
- Feeling sad, frustrated, helpless
- Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
- Headaches, backpains, and stomach issues
- Increased use of mind-altering substances such as alcohol and other drugs
When we’re in the heat of a stressful situation, our body’s unique stress hormones come to our aid, rushing through our bloodstream, leading to an increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and glucose levels. While this natural, and biologically based protective physiological response is very helpful in emergency situations, having this “rush” for extended periods of time can become dangerous to our total health and wellness. Long-term stress increases the risk of developing heart disease, major depressive disorder, chronic gastrointestinal disorders, as well as raises the risk of having a stroke.
Healthy Ways to Cope with Everyday Stress Without Burning Out
After that tid-bit of psychoeducation about stress, let’s go back to my original point. If stress is inevitable, it’s our response to stress that is within our control. Below are some cheeky ideas and healthy ways to cope with a stressful situation without the use of mind altering substances (e.g., alcohol, nicotine, tobacco, cannabis, anxyiolytics) or life draining behaviors (e.g., gambling, taking extreme risks, over spending, over eating, chronic avoidance):
- Get Moving: Consider taking a walk at a brisk pace. Put on your most dramatic upbeat playlist, get those sneakers on, step outside, and get to walking around like you are the main character in a season finale!
- Deep Breathing: Consider pausing for just a moment to refocus your center of attention from all that is going on around you, to your breath, and only your breath. Try on the 4x4x8 breathing method for inducing a calming response as an antidote to your stress response – breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, and exhale for a count of 8. Do this 5 times, and then return to your normal breath. You’ll thank me later 😊
- Write a Petty Letter – then Let it Burn: let’s go old school here – take out a pen and a piece of paper. Free flow those thoughts. Unapologetically write to your stressors like they are your toxic ex! Tell them everything they need to know. Tell them how they have been interfering with your quality of life. Tell them what you intend to do with them. Then delete, shred, or chuck it in the garbage. Very healing.
Stress Reframe of the Month:
“You’re not lazy, you are maxed-out. Rest is not a reward – it’s a basic survival need.”
So go ahead. Lie down. The world will keep on keeping on.
And that’s a wrap on this month’s newsletter. Remember, we cannot avoid stress, but we can choose how we respond to it. So take that nap, say no to that request, or eat cake for dinner.
Until next month,
Your favorite enabler of Mental Wellness
The Montclair Therapist
Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.
(She/Her/Hers)
NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ
Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology
Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science
Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris
*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*
If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list.