April 2025 - The Montclair Therapist Newsletter Cover Photo

Don’t Stress It! – Your Monthly Dose of Sanity – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Don’t Stress It! – Your Monthly Dose of Sanity
- by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D
- Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

April 2025 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers, 

Understanding the Reality of Stress

Have you ever been given the recommendation from a trusted friend, physician, or other professional to “just reduce or lessen your stress”, or, better yet, “stay away from stress”, as a way to navigate physical and mental health challenges? If it was just that easy, many of us would be out of jobs! Just lessen your stress, and there will be no more mess! Right? …… wrong!

What if I told you that one of the many dichotomies of a life well lived is that we cannot go untouched by stressful experiences in our life. Sure, some of us will experience stress to a greater degree than others, but there is no way out of the experience. If stress is something that is inevitable, then it’s our defense, or our response to it, that is within our control!

The Impact of Stress on the Mind and Body: Symptoms, Triggers, and Long-Term Risks

Let’s first highlight what stress is, and how it can show up within us. The experience of stress is a reaction to a situation where one feels overwhelmed, anxious, and/or threatened. Some common and typical reactions to a stressful event (e.g., one more task added to your to-do list at 4:45pm on a Friday by your superior; a disagreement with a loved one; a planned trip being cancelled; realizing that your favorite coffee mug is nowhere to be found!, to name a few) include:

    • Disbelief, shock, numbness, frozen
    • Feeling sad, frustrated, helpless
    • Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
    • Headaches, backpains, and stomach issues
    • Increased use of mind-altering substances such as alcohol and other drugs

When we’re in the heat of a stressful situation, our body’s unique stress hormones come to our aid, rushing through our bloodstream, leading to an increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and glucose levels. While this natural, and biologically based protective physiological response is very helpful in emergency situations, having this “rush” for extended periods of time can become dangerous to our total health and wellness. Long-term stress increases the risk of developing heart disease, major depressive disorder, chronic gastrointestinal disorders, as well as raises the risk of having a stroke.

Healthy Ways to Cope with Everyday Stress Without Burning Out

After that tid-bit of psychoeducation about stress, let’s go back to my original point. If stress is inevitable, it’s our response to stress that is within our control. Below are some cheeky ideas and healthy ways to cope with a stressful situation without the use of mind altering substances (e.g., alcohol, nicotine, tobacco, cannabis, anxyiolytics) or life draining behaviors (e.g., gambling, taking extreme risks, over spending, over eating, chronic avoidance):

    1. Get Moving: Consider taking a walk at a brisk pace. Put on your most dramatic upbeat playlist, get those sneakers on, step outside, and get to walking around like you are the main character in a season finale! 
    2. Deep Breathing: Consider pausing for just a moment to refocus your center of attention from all that is going on around you, to your breath, and only your breath. Try on the 4x4x8 breathing method for inducing a calming response as an antidote to your stress response – breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, and exhale for a count of 8. Do this 5 times, and then return to your normal breath. You’ll thank me later 😊
    3. Write a Petty Letter – then Let it Burn: let’s go old school here – take out a pen and a piece of paper. Free flow those thoughts. Unapologetically write to your stressors like they are your toxic ex! Tell them everything they need to know. Tell them how they have been interfering with your quality of life. Tell them what you intend to do with them. Then delete, shred, or chuck it in the garbage. Very healing.

Stress Reframe of the Month:

You’re not lazy, you are maxed-out. Rest is not a reward – it’s a basic survival need.

So go ahead. Lie down. The world will keep on keeping on.

And that’s a wrap on this month’s newsletter. Remember, we cannot avoid stress, but we can choose how we respond to it. So take that nap, say no to that request, or eat cake for dinner.

Until next month,

Your favorite enabler of Mental Wellness

The Montclair Therapist

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list.

March 2025 The Montclair Therapist Newsletter Cover Photo - Dr. Amanda Aster McKenna Psy.D.

Fostering Flexible Perfectionism through Making Mistakes on Purpose – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Fostering Flexible Perfectionism through Making Mistakes on Purpose - by The Montclair Therapist, Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

March 2025 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers, 

Acknowledge the Inner Perfectionist

I know that I am not alone here when I openly admit that I, at times, struggle with my own inner perfectionist. Sometimes, she is really adaptive and helpful to me. She helps me set my goals, helps me to meet them, and also leaves me wanting more and better next time. She also really loves the external praise received from others about my performance at home, in the office, with clients, with friends and family. However, she holds very rigid rules, idealized goals, and unrealistic ambitions with the highest expectations, and when they are not met, she can be incredibly harsh, condemning, and self-critical. She has absolutely no room for error and wants me to be flawless, faultless, making no mistakes in any area of life. She also has the power to create deep inflexibility within my line of thinking and behaviors, and can even get in the way of meaningful experiences and relationships. She can keep me stuck in procrastination only adding to the anxieties that come with being a working mom and a human being. Can anyone relate?

The Two Faces of Perfectionism: Adaptive vs. Maladaptive

Over time through maturity, life experiences, and of course, my own individual therapy journey, I have learned to differentiate between adaptive perfectionism, and maladaptive, or unhelpful perfectionism. Since this is more of a trait or facet of personality more than it is a diagnosable mental disorder, it can be conceptualized as one variable that, when acted on, can either enhance our life and well-being, or drain us and keep us stuck in unnecessary suffering. My goal for this month’s newsletter is to dose readers up a few intensive therapeutic interventions that can be done at home, at no cost to you, to release yourself from the grips of the harsh inner critic that speaks perfectionistic lingo to you, and instead, lead you on a path of flexible striving towards high yet attainable standards and a life well lived.

Where Does Perfectionism Come From

For many of us, our inner perfectionist was born during our early childhood experiences if we had caregivers/parents with extremely high standards for us; if we were made to believe and feel that we are never good enough; or received conditional love and affection based on our achievements. If this is you, please read this and silently say this to yourself: “it was hard at times growing up having such rigid and unreachable expectations put on me, I know I am not alone in this struggle, may I give myself the permission to inherently know that I am good enough, flaws and all. My mistakes, nor my achievements, do not define me. My actions based on my heart’s deepest values are what defines me.

The Power of Making Mistakes on Purpose

Learning to accept that we are all perfectly imperfect may be best the way out of the tight grip that our inner perfectionist has on us. What better way to conquer perfectionism than to on purpose break its own self-imposed rule of “I must not make a mistake or else”. We can do this through on purpose making intentional mistakes as the intervention coupled with a very healthy dose of self-compassion. Forcing perfectionists to make mistakes helps them become more accepting of failure and not doing things the “right” way.

Examples:

  1. On purpose, spell at least 3 words wrong.
  2. On purpose trip in front of someone.
  3. On purpose pay for something with the incorrect amount of money.
  4. On purpose drop something in front of others such as your cellphone, car keys, eye glass case.
  5. On purpose, order something that is not on the menu at a restaurant.
  6. On purpose, greet someone with the wrong name.
  7. On purpose attempt to purchase something at Target with a Walmart gift card.

 

Lean into Discomfort: The Path to Growth

Really allow yourself to lean into the experience of doing something “wrong” or making a mistake. Make space for that discomfort to be present, just as it is, without any effort to do anything or change anything. It is in this space of gentle allowance of discomfort where real learning happens. Let’s get comfortable being uncomfortable as a perfectly imperfect human being.

An inner perfectionist can drive anyone to burnout and exhaustion. As an act of self-compassion, would you be willing to choose now as the time to give yourself a break?

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

February 2025 The Montclair Therapist Newsletter Cover Photo - Dr. Amanda Aster McKenna Psy.D.

Fostering Connection Through Validation in Interpersonal Relationships – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Fostering Connection Through Validation in Interpersonal Relationships - by The Montclair Therapist, Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

February 2025 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers, 

Why Problem-Solving Isn’t Always the Best Response

Question for you: What is your knee-jerk reaction when your partner is upset about a situation, or even worse, upset with you? Do you have the instinctual urge to jump right into problem-solving mode? Or do you take a minute, get present with yourself and with your partner, actively listen to what they are saying, and make sense of their inner world of feelings and emotions?

If you are like me (at least the old me pre-psychologist era!), my initial reaction was to try my best to figure out how to make my partner’s “upsetness” go away, because I was uncomfortable knowing that he was in emotional pain and I wanted to do something about it! However, in jumping into action mode, I inadvertently left my then boyfriend (now husband!) feeling totally alone in his distress.

The Power of Validation in Relationships

Another question for you: What would you say if I told you that perhaps that most effective and meaningful way to make your partner’s emotional problem better is to let them know that you understand what they are feeling and not seek out an immediate solution? Seems counterintuitive right? Read on to find out more …

Have you ever had the experience of not feeling heard by your partner, or felt alone in what you are experiencing? If you’re like most of us, the answer is likely yes, and these feelings of being alone and unheard more often than not lead to a great degree of disconnection in relationships. The heartfelt intentions of wanting to take away your partner’s distress may actually unintentionally leave them feeling invalidated – as I learned the hard way.

What is Validation and Why Does It Matter?

Before we understand what invalidation is, we have to first understand and get a grip on what validation is and why it is so important in fostering connection with our romantic partners. Taken right from Webster’s dictionary, the word “validation” quite literally means “to recognize, establish, or illustrate the worthiness or legitimacy of”. Bringing this definition to a relational context, validation is an act of doing, or, giving an affirmation that another person’s inner world of feelings, experiences, or opinions make sense (even if they don’t make sense to you!) Validation does not include your judgements or opinions of how the other person feels or advice on how they should handle their situation.

How Early Experiences Shape Our Understanding of Feeling Validated

Many of us have experienced early learning through caregivers/parents and messaging from our culture/society a lack of validation and an abundance of invalidation. How many times can you remember your mother or father (or caregiver) tell you “What are you crying about? If you don’t stop crying right now I will give you something to cry about!” Or perhaps a scenario a little less emotionally abusive … what about when you went to your caregiver sharing that you were worried about your midterm tomorrow, and they responded something along the lines of “don’t worry honey, I know how hard you have been studying, and I know you got this. There is absolutely nothing to worry about”. These types of messages tend to leave us feeling like we are wrong for having these feelings in the first place, or worse, that we are crazy because we shouldn’t be feeling them! Because of this unfortunate cultural norm, many of us do not have much expertise or experience in providing validation to others because we don’t have much experience being validated ourselves!

How Validation Strengthens Emotional Safety and Connection

Receiving validation from our partners helps to ensure a sense of emotional safety and connection, and allows us to relinquish the need to protect ourselves through our emotional defense system. One important piece inherent in the act of providing validation is that we consciously and mindfully empathize without judgement or advice giving. Even if you don’t understand, disagree, or wouldn’t feel the same way your partner does, are you willing to put yourself behind their eyes and in their shoes, take their perspective, and see why they feel this way? If the answer is yes, read on …

Practical Phrases to Validate Your Partner

Here are some helpful validating phrases to try on the next time your partner (or really anyone in your circle for extra practice 😊) comes to you courageously and shares their vulnerability and distress:

1. Gosh, that sounds really tough

2. Help me understand the situation that left you feeling upset

3. I understand why you’re upset, I would feel the same way too if I were in your shoes

4. I totally hear you

5. I get it 

6. Is there anything I can do to help

7. You have the right to feel that way

OR the shortest, simplest phrase that has the power to move mountains and foster human connection:

8. Of course …

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

January 2025 The Montclair Therapist Newsletter Cover Photo - Dr. Amanda Aster McKenna Psy.D.

New Year’s Resolution: Prioritize Your Mental Health – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

New Year’s Resolution: Prioritize Your Mental Health - by The Montclair Therapist, Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

January 2025 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers, 

 

Happy New Year!

As we all transition from the rush of the holiday season into the new year of 2025, we can choose to turn our attention inward to consciously reflect on what matters most to us. For me, this pivot includes prioritizing my own mental health and wellness. And what a month to make this pivot, as January is recognized as Mental Wellness Month. Part of this leaning inwards includes establishing (or for some, re-establishing) healthy behavioral habits and strengthening our mental health for the year ahead. Mental Wellness Month involves integrating emotional and physical health and growing more in tune with the link between your mind’s health and your body’s state.

 

5 Tips to Enhance Your Mental Wellness in 2025

Below you will find a few tips to help you incorporate mental wellness into your new year:

    1. Practice Self-Care: Regular physical exercise, Staying hydrated, Gentle yoga/stretching, Eating whole foods and reducing processed foods, Reducing or eliminating both chemical toxins and social toxins, Getting enough sleep each night
    2. Practice Mindfulness: The practice of choosing to bring your attention to the present, fully immersed in the current moment, making space between yourself and your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and urges through practices such as: Focused rhythmic breathing (4x4x8), Mindful walking, Body scan meditation, Tai chi or qi gong, Self-compassion meditation, Journaling 
    3. Balancing Stress & Rest: Chronically high levels of stress can lead to an overactive nervous system, causing an influx of the hormone cortisol to be released throughout the body which can result in: Generalized anxiety, Difficulties falling asleep and staying asleep, Increased blood pressure, Systemic inflammation, Weight gain, Compromised immune system. Periods of rest & relaxation allow the nervous system to recover, fostering an increase of hormone oxytocin to be released in the body: Listening to music, Getting a massage with aromatherapy, Progressive muscle relaxation, Giving and/or receiving a hug, Laughing with friends and loved ones, Yoga Nidra. Stress is a natural and normative part of life and is not meant to be inherently harmful. Rather, it is one’s response to stress that influences its negative effects on overall mental wellness. Cultivating a mindful approach towards life’s stressors & recognizing it as a transient, passing state can be helpful.
    4. Seek Mental Health Education is integral to understanding mental wellness: NAMI – National Alliance on Mental Illness provides in-depth knowledge of mental health conditions & promotes awareness through events+programs; APA – American Psychological Association offers comprehensive list of resources from understanding mental health disorders through ways to see help; NIMH – National Institute of Mental Health provides scientifically rooted and evidence based research and articles on mental health
    5. Talk to a therapist! You don’t need to have a diagnosable mental illness to do so. Therapy offers a safe, nonjudgemental space to express one’s thoughts and feelings freely. It offers you the opportunity to connect with a non-biased objective third party to sort out the function of our behaviors, or the “why” behind why we do what we do, and decide together if it is working to help live the life you value, or getting in the way.

 

Guided Mindfulness Exercise to Help Start The New Year on the Right Foot!

January 2025, Mental Wellness Month, is a perfect starting point to begin reflecting and taking action on your own mental health. To end this month’s important newsletter, I would like to guide you through a brief mindfulness of the breath exercise. As you read through, whenever you see “….”, this is an opportunity to create space and pause.

 

And now … if you are willing … I invite you to get into a comfortable seated position … taking a stance that is both comfortable yet also energized … Sitting with your two feet planted firmly against the ground beneath you … Noticing your sit bones connect with the seat of your chair or cushion .. Noticing your lumber area and shoulders connect with the back of the chair or cushion … Resting your hands gently in a way that feels right on your lap … palms up .. palms down … perhaps holding your hands together … And perhaps  now making the decision to gently close your eyes … and if that doesn’t feel right … simply choosing a spot to rest your gaze on the ground beneath you… and I invite you now to simply notice your breath and where it feels most alive … perhaps you feel it most in the space between your nostrils and upper lip … perhaps you feel the breath most in your chest area … perhaps you feel the breath most alive by your abdomen or lower belly… there is no right or wrong way to notice the breath …. Simply noticing and observing its ebbing and flowing nature … nothing more … nothing less … and when that mind of yours begins to wander off … I invite you to gently notice where it’s gone … and with kind intention … bringing your attention back to the breath … again …. And again … and again…and now … when you’re ready … I invite you to pivot your attention to the sense of your body as a whole … sitting here … on this chair or cushion … on this day … at this time … and to notice what it is like to be sitting here now … being held firmly … not only by the ground beneath you … but also by the steady grounded earth beneath us all … and when you are ready … slowly beginning to wiggle your toes … wiggly your fingers … gently rolling your neck from side to side … and gently and slowly opening your eyes and returning your focus to the task at hand.

 

The secret of health for both mind and body is to not mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” – Buddha

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

December 2024 The Montclair Therapist Newsletter Cover Photo - Dr. Amanda Aster McKenna Psy.D.

Finding Light in Winter: Understanding and Managing Seasonal Affective Disorder – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Finding Light in Winter: Understanding and Managing Seasonal Affective Disorder - by The Montclair Therapist, Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

December 2024 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers, 

Why Do I Feel Like This is More Than Just the Stress of Winter?

As many of us know all too well, the winter season can be particularly challenging. Many of us can relate to the experience of “winter stress” – the stress that comes from external pressures and challenges that increase during the winter season that are influenced heavily by holiday expectations, financial strain, and difficulty and dysfunctional family dynamics. Symptoms of winter stress can manifest as anxiety and overwhelm, and often dissipate once the holiday season wraps up.

However, while winter stress and winter blues are related, they are two distinct concepts. The symptoms of winter blues are more closely aligned with the experience of depression, and can become severe enough to warrant the diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder with a Season Pattern (formally known as Seasonal Affective Disorder). Not too shockingly, the mental health community labels the month of December as “Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) Awareness Month.”

What Is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and How Does It Affect Us?

This diagnosis is characterized by a cluster of symptoms, most notably, recurrent episodes of depression in late fall and winter (where there is less sunlight and colder weather), with alternating periods of typical moods during the rest of the year. During a seasonal depressive episode, some hallmark symptoms can include oversleeping (hypersomnia), overeating, weight gain (fueled by an increased craving for carbohydrates), extreme daytime fatigue, lethargy, hopelessness, lack of interest in usual activities such as socialization and sex, isolation (think hibernation), and suicidal thoughts.

Effective Treatments for Seasonal Affective Disorder and Proactive Strategies to Reduce Winter Blues

As with most depressive disorders, the gold standard of treatment includes a healthy combination of antidepressant medication, evidence-based cognitive behavioral therapies, and consistent exercise. However, unlike other depressive disorders, this condition can include light therapy as a treatment modality. This type of therapy consists of regular, daily exposure to a “light box” which artificially simulates high-intensity sunlight.

If you or someone you know has a predictable seasonal pattern of altered depressed mood, there are behaviors one can engage that are within your control to plan ahead and reduce the severity, intensity, duration, and functional impact of the winter blues. Because this disorder has a specific pattern to it, those who suffer from it can prepare for it’s predictable arrival by:

    1. Exercising more towards the end of summer
    2. Beginning and/or re-engaging in individual therapy at the beginning of September
    3. Starting light box therapy in early October
    4. Plan a vacation to a sunny spot sometime in January
    5. Add a Vitamin D supplement to their daily regimen

Moving Forward with Hope and Compassion

I hope this brief snippet of signs, symptoms, and treatment options of Major Depressive Disorder with a Season Pattern (formally known as Seasonal Affective Disorder) has proven to be useful and helpful. At the very least, I hope to be able, through this newsletter, to spread the awareness that this experience is a real, clinically recognized condition that can significantly impact health and well being.

May we continue moving forward this winter season by choosing to be kind and compassionate with ourselves, towards ourselves, and towards others.

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

November 2024 The Montclair Therapist Newsletter Cover Photo - Dr. Amanda Aster McKenna Psy.D. (1)

Honoring Memories and Finding Comfort: Navigating Grief During the Holidays – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Honoring Memories and Finding Comfort: Navigating Grief During the Holidays - by The Montclair Therapist, Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

November 2024 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers, 

Reflecting on Recent Mental Health Awareness Initiatives

Last month there was a strong focus on world mental health. In line with my values as a psychologist, and also as a mother, a daughter, a partner, a colleague, a consumer, and a friend, I participated in two important walks in an effort to spread awareness of the mental health resources that are available, to reduce to stigma that is placed on those who suffer with their own mental health, and to hold space and remember all those who have lost their life in their battle with mental health through substance abuse or suicide. Namely, on October 26th, 2024, my family and I walked in the 7th Opioid/Fentanyl Awareness Walk hosted by Essex Health & Wellness Recovery Center on Bloomfield Avenue from Newark to Caldwell, and on October 27th, 2024, we participated in the Out of the Darkness Community Walk at Verona Park hosted by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

The Duality of the Holiday Season

To piggyback off the crucial mental health initiatives engaged in last month, I thought I would use this newsletter as a forum to begin the discussion of grief & grieving during the holiday season, which is just around the corner. For many of us, the holiday season can be a bittersweet one, as we both cherish the special time and memories made with friends and family that are here and present with us now, and as we mourn the loss of loved ones that are no longer with us at our holiday dinner table. 

Honoring Loved Ones Through Traditions

Many of us find healing and strength when we continue to honor our loved ones lost through storytelling, creating a memory book, visiting their final resting place, cooking their favorite dishes, playing their favorite music, and perhaps even dedicating a special ornament to represent their memory. It’s important that you find and develop new traditions that work for you and your family as it pertains to celebrating the holiday season when it is met with grief and sadness over the death of a loved one. One tradition that many have found to be valuable was to incorporate a holiday memorial by lighting five candles on a wreath to commemorate and honor their loved one.

The Five-Candle Holiday Memorial

If you are interested in trying out this tradition, I would invite you to use the phrases below (of course using your own language that works best for you) as you engage in this holiday memorial:

As we light these five candles in honor of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories, one for our love, and one for our hope”.

 

Candle 1: “This candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds of the depth of our love for you.”

 

Candle 2: “This candle represents our courage – to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other, and to change our lives.”

 

Candle 3: “This candle is in your memory – the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, and the caring and joy you gave us.”

 

Candle 4: “This candle is the light of love. As we enter into this holiday season, day by day, we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift of your living brought to each of us.”

 

Candle 5: “And this candle is the light of hope. It reminds us of love and memories of you that are ours forever. May the glow of the flame be our source of hopefulness now and forever. We love you and we miss you.”

 

Finding Meaning and Compassion During Difficult Times

As we all enter into this holiday season, I would invite you to connect with your heart’s deepest values; to connect with whom and what matters most to you; to connect with the moments that are truly meaningful and sweet; all while holding a compassionate space for the more difficult feelings that can arise through grief and loss.

Please remember to be kind towards yourself and others, and to allow yourself grace during painful moments.

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

October 2024 The Montclair Therapist Cover Photo - Dr. Amanda Aster McKenna Psy.D.

Shining a Light on Mental Health: Together, We Can Make a Change – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Shining a Light on Mental Health: Together, We Can Make a Change - by The Montclair Therapist, Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

October 2024 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers, 

 

As some of you may know, on Thursday, October 10th, 2024, we celebrated World Mental Health Day. This is a day for us as a community to take action and make mental well-being a global priority for all.

 

Mental illness affects everyone

Both directly and indirectly, through our family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and strangers that we see crossing the street, everyone is affected by mental illness in some capacity. However, no one has to experience mental illness alone.  We are doing an amazing job at spreading awareness of mental illness, decreasing the stigma of reaching out for help, and promoting the notion that mental illness is real, help is available, and recovery is possible, and, there is still work that needs to be done!

 

This is where our greater community can chime in:

  1. What is one meaningful action that you can take today in an effort to decrease the stigma of mental illness and spread awareness?
    • Might you be willing to talk openly with a friend about your own mental health struggles? Or ask curiously and nonjudgmentally about theirs?
    • Might you show compassion for those struggling with mental illness? Perhaps through maintaining eye contact as they share, and offering your gentle presence while resisting the urge to problem solve?
    • Might you choose empowerment over shame? Meaning, could you choose to own your own story, as unique and beautifully imperfect as it is, and refuse to let others’ negative/skewed perspective of mental illness impact your own narrative?
  2. What might be one meaningful action that you can take today to increase your own mental health?
    • Could it be getting to sleep one hour earlier?
    • Could it be choosing to take the stairs vs. the elevator?
    • Could it be choosing to make amends with an estranged relative/friend?

 

Upcoming Mental Health Awareness Events in New Jersey

There are a few very important events coming up this month that I want to share with you, with the aim of continuing to raise awareness for these important causes, in addition to gently inviting those who are willing to participate in acting on them!

 

  1. The 7th Opioid/Fentanyl Awareness Walk hosted by Essex Health & Wellness Recovery Center will be taking place Saturday, October 26th, 2024 at 9:00AM. The important event is intended to spread awareness of the dangers of opioids & fentanyl; to remember those who have lost their lives to substance use disorder; to support the loved ones left behind; to thank those who help those struggling with addiction; and congratulate those who have given themselves the gift of recovery and a second chance at life! 
    • Check in begins at 8:00AM at Newark School Stadium, and the walk begins at 9:00AM. The other start/stop locations are Bloomfield Fire House, Glen Ridge Town Hall, Montclair Police Department, Verona Town Hall, and BLR at 80 Bloomfield Avenue in Caldwell, NJ. There is no fee to walk and free tee-shirts are included! Following the awareness walk, there will be lunch and a presentation at the First Baptist Church at 259 Bloomfield Ave, Caldwell.
    • For more information, to register, to sponsor, or to volunteer, contact Robin Lavorato (862-485-8811) or [email protected].
  2. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) Out of the Darkness Community Walk is taking place in Essex County at Verona Park on Sunday, October 27th, 2024 at 11:30AM. This community walk offers an opportunity to remember those that we have lost; provide hope to those who are suffering; and support the community in the shared effort to #StopSuicide.

 

Stay tuned!

Together, we as a community can work together to spread the news that mental illness is real, treatment is available, and recovery is possible! Stay tuned into my Instagram handle @dr.amandaastermckenna for real time footage of both of these awareness walks where my family and I will be participating!

 

Thanks so much for your time today, and I cannot wait to connect again next month as I share some tips & tricks to tolerate the Holiday season!

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

The Montclair Therapist Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna Psy.D. Therapist in Montclair NJ

Walking Together Towards Hope: Suicide Prevention and How You Can Help – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Walking Together Towards Hope: Suicide Prevention and How You Can Help - by The Montclair Therapist, Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

September 2024 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers, 

 

Before we being…

I’m excited to share some special news before diving into this month’s focus. My practice has officially rebranded, and I’m thrilled to introduce you to The Montclair Therapist! This rebrand includes a refreshed website and expanded social media presence. Moving forward, you’ll find all of my content, including newsletters, on Instagram, X (formerly Twitter), Pinterest, YouTube, and TikTok under the handle @TheMontclairTherapist.

My new website, www.themontclairtherapist.com, offers in-depth information about my services, a curated selection of mental health resources, and step-by-step guidance for coordinating care with your insurance provider. This rebrand is close to my heart, and I look forward to connecting with you in new, engaging ways to continue supporting your mental health journey.

 

September is National Suicide Prevention Month

For my newsletter this month, I would like to draw your attention to September’s mental health awareness initiative: National Suicide Prevention Month. This awareness campaign runs all month long, with September 8th through 14th being National Suicide Prevention Week, and September 10th being World Suicide Prevention Day. Let’s take a deep dive into some important facts about suicide, warning signs of someone who is thinking about suicide, and what we as a community can do to help. 

 

Suicide by the Numbers

Did you know that …

    1. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States, being the 2nd leading cause of death amongst people ages 15-24
    2. In 2020, 46,000 Americans died by suicide
    3. In 2020, 12.2 million adults had serious thoughts of suicide, 3.2 million made a suicide plan, and 1.2 million attempted to take their own life
    4. 40% of those who complete suicide have a history of a previous attempt 
    5. 9 out of 10 people who attempt suicide and survive do not go on to complete suicide at a later date
    6. Suicide rates are highest among adults ages 45-64 at 19.6 per 100,000. The second highest rate is 19.4 per 100,000 among those 85 years or older
    7. Compared with middle-aged older adults, younger populations have consistently lower suicide rates
    8. Males are four times more likely to do die by suicide; Females are three times more likely to attempt suicide
    9. Those with substance abuse disorders are six times more likely to complete suicide than those without
    10. 8 out of 10 people who are considering suicide give some sign of their intentions. Talking about suicide is not a typical response to stress. All talk of suicide should be taken seriously and be addressed immediately.

Warning Signs

Please note that any of the below listed warning signs do not necessarily mean that a person is considering suicide, but several of these symptoms together may signal a need for help:

    • Verbal statements such as, “you’d be better off without me” or “maybe I won’t be around.”
    • Expressions of hopelessness and helplessness
    • Previous suicide attempts
    • Daring or risk-taking behavior
    • Personality changes
    • Depression
    • Giving away valued and important possessions
    • Lack of interest in future plans

 

What We Can Do to Help

    • We Can All Take Action: Evidence shows that providing support services, talking about suicide, reducing access to means of self-harm, and following up with loved ones are just some of the actions we can all take to help others.
    • Hope can happen: Suicide is not inevitable for anyone. By starting the conversation, providing support, and directing help to those who need it, we can prevent suicides and save lives.
    • Refer to Crisis Centers: By offering immediate counseling to everyone who may need it, local crisis centers provide invaluable support at critical times and connect individuals to local services.

Crisis Resources

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. You can also reach Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741.

    • 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988
    • The TrevorLifeline for LGBTQIA+ Youth : 1-866-488-7386
    • Crisis Text Line : Text ‘MHA’ to 741741
    • Disaster Distress Helpline: Call 1-800-985-5990 or text TalkWithUs to 66746 to connect with a trained crisis counselor.
    • Veterans Crisis Line: Dial 988 and Press 1
    • Warmlines (For those who aren’t in crisis, but still want to talk to someone): http://www.warmline.org 

Interested in helping to reduce the stigma and raise public awareness about suicide prevention? Consider participating in your local “Out of the Darkness Community Walk”. As a community, lets come walk together, take strides in saving lives, and bring hope, one step at a time, to those affected by suicide. Find your local supporting event here: https://supporting.afsp.org/. This year, I plan in walking in the Essex County Community Walk in Verona, NJ on October 27th, 2024!

Together, we as a community can work together to spread the news that mental illness is real, treatment is available, and recovery is possible!

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

Montclair Nj Therapist

Community Involvement in Addiction Recovery – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Community Involvement in Overcoming Addiction and Addiction Recovery - by The Montclair Therapist, Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

August 2024 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Greetings community!

 

Save and Reflect on Mental Snapshots of Your Summer

This summer really has flown on by. I would like to invite readers to take this moment to allow for self-reflection on the highlights and sweet spots of your summer experience. Once you have given yourself a chance to do so, take a mental picture of these delicious memories, and store them somewhere in your memory bank to easily access when life gets rough as a reminder that sweeter things are sure to come as you turn the corner.

 

International Overdose Awareness Day

Now, getting back to regularly scheduled programming, welcome to August! There is a very important mental health initiative that is near and dear to my heart occurring on Saturday, August 31st, 2024 which is International Overdose Awareness Day (IOAD). This is the world’s largest annual campaign to prevent and end overdose, remember without stigma or judgment those who died by the disease of addiction, and to acknowledge the grief of family members and friends left behind.

 

The Importance of Unity

The theme for this 2024 initiative is “Together We Can”. This slogan highlights the power of our community at large when we all stand together to fight for a change. Addiction is not an isolated disease only affecting those that are afflicted. Addiction is a family and community disease that cannot be resolved individually. Community involvement in addiction recovery plays a crucial role in reducing feelings of isolation and providing individuals with the necessary support, understanding, and sense of belonging on their journey towards sobriety.

 

Support One Another

We need the strength of each other to lean on, to learn from, and to advocate for, greater awareness of mental health needs and the real-life consequences of untreated substance abuse and addiction. Addiction is not a “phase” that someone will “get over”.  No one should stand alone in our fight to end overdose. Together We Can allows those who are connected to the tragedy of overdose to not feel alone or ashamed. 

 

Share Your Story

For those grieving family members and friends who have been left behind by a loved one’s overdose, please know that you are not alone. A large part of your healing journey is sharing your story about how your loved one lived, as opposed to how they died. If you would like to commemorate and celebrate a loved one’s life, you are invited to add a Tribute in their honor. Tributes will be posted on this website as soon as they are approved.

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

June 2024 - The Montclair Therapist Newsletter Cover Photo

Understanding PTSD: Signs, Symptoms, and Support Strategies – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Understanding PTSD: Signs, Symptoms, and Support Strategies - by The Montclair Therapist, Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

June 2024 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Understanding Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Hello Readers, and welcome to the month of June! This month, the mental health awareness initiative is centered around raising awareness of the signs and symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and ways that our community can help those suffering with PTSD. According to the National Center for PTSD, about 6 out of 10 men (60%), and about 5 out of 10 women (50%), will experience at least one form of trauma throughout their lifetime. While some individuals may recover from their traumatic experience within a few weeks, others may take months, or even years. For some, PTSD symptoms will not appear until long after the traumatic event occurred. It is important to know, and even more important to share, that PTSD is a real and debilitating mental health diagnosis, treatment is available, and recovery is possible. It is crucial to acknowledge the significant effects of trauma and to seek the appropriate treatment, rather than avoiding it. 

 

What is PTSD?

PTSD is a mental health condition that can develop in some people after they have experienced, witnessed, or learned about a life-threatening event or serious injury. 

 

What is considered a life threatening or traumatic event?

Some examples of life-threatening events can include combat or exposure to a war zone in the military or as a civilian; natural disasters such as tornados, floods, tsunamis, hurricanes, or earthquakes; transportation accidents such as a car accident, boating accident, train wreck, or plane crash; a serious accident that occurred at work, home, or during a recreational activity; exposure to toxic substances such as dangerous chemicals or radiation; being diagnosed with a serious medical condition such as terminal cancer or a traumatic brain injury; physical assault such as being attacked, hit, slapped, kicked, or beaten; assaulted with a weapon such as being shot at, stabbed, or threatened with a knife, gun, or bomb; sexual assault that can include rape or attempted tape, made to perform any type of sexual act through force or threat of harm, or any other unwanted to uncomfortable sexual experience; severe human suffering; sudden violent death such as homicide or suicide; sudden accidental death; or serious harm, injury, or death you caused to someone else.

 

What are the symptoms of PSTD?

    1. Re-experiencing symptoms: repeated, disturbing, and unwanted memories of the traumatic experience; nightmares and flashbacks; having strong physical reactions when reminded of the trauma such as rapid heart rate, sweating, flushed face, and trouble breathing
    2. Avoidance symptoms: avoiding memories, thoughts, or feelings related to the traumatic experience; avoiding external reminders of the traumatic experience such as people, places, conversations, activities, objects, and situations.
    3. Changes and alterations in mood and cognition: having trouble remembering some or all parts of the trauma experience; having strong negative beliefs about yourself, other people, and the world such as “I am bad”, “The world is a dangerous place”, “No one can be trusted”, “There is something seriously wrong with me”; intense feelings of guilt, shame, blame, anger and irritability; loss if interest in activities previously enjoyed; feeling distant and cut off from others; having trouble experiencing positive emotions such as being unable to feel happiness or have loving feelings towards those that are close to you
    4. Increase in arousal and reactivity: irritable behavior, angry outbursts, acting aggressively; feeling “keyed up” or “on edge;” being “on guard” or watchful often; difficulty sitting still; feeling jump and easily startled; difficulty concentrating and making decisions; trouble falling and staying asleep

 

What are some ways people try to cope with PTSD on their own?

Due to the stigma, shame, and misconceptions of this diagnosis, many people try and cope by themselves through means that offer short term relief but longer term negative consequences towards themselves, their relationships, and their overall quality of life that can include: excessive alcohol and drug use, misusing prescription medications; engaging in risky sexual behaviors, engaging in other types of risky behaviors such as driving significantly over the speed limit or walking in unsafe neighborhoods; engaging in excessive physical altercations, gambling, overeating, undereating, self-harming, or thinking about or planning one’s death, to name a few.

 

How can you help someone who is suffering from PTSD?

    1. Learn about PTSD and how it can affect the whole person.
    2. Listen to the individual when they say they are not ready to do something about it.
    3. Be there for them with a kind, listening ear, without trying to fix them.
    4. Encourage them to seek treatment from a qualified, trained, licensed professional such as a psychologist or licensed clinical social worker.
    5. Combat stigma: challenge the stigma surrounding PTSD, be mindful of your own language and attitudes, promote open non-judgemental conversations about mental health struggles in your circles, encourage others to see PTSD not as a sign of someone’s weakness or failure, but rather as a sign of a person’s resilience.

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris