We hear it all the time: “Try to reduce your stress.”

It’s a common—and well-intentioned—recommendation from doctors, therapists, and care teams. But for many people, this advice can feel frustrating, vague, or even impossible.

Because here’s the reality:
There is no version of life that is free from stress.

Stress is built into the human experience. It shows up in parenting, relationships, work, health concerns, and even in moments that matter deeply to us. From an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) perspective, the goal is not to eliminate stress—but to change how we relate to it.

What Does It Really Mean to “Lower Stress”?

When your care team encourages you to minimize stress, they are rarely suggesting that you remove all stressors from your life. Instead, the deeper aim is this:

→ Reduce the impact of stress by changing your response to it.

ACT teaches us that while we cannot always control what shows up internally (thoughts, feelings, physical sensations), we can influence how we respond, adapt, and behave in those moments.

Stress Is Inevitable—Your Response Is Not Fixed

You will feel overwhelmed at times. You will have racing thoughts, tension in your body, moments of doubt, frustration, or fear.

The key question becomes:
When stress shows up, how do you show up?

Maladaptive Coping with Stress

When stress feels intense, it’s natural to seek relief. However, some coping strategies provide short-term comfort at a long-term cost.

Common maladaptive patterns include:

• Avoidance (putting off tasks, withdrawing from others)
• Emotional reactivity (snapping, shutting down, impulsive decisions)
• Overthinking and rumination (getting stuck in “what if” loops)
• Control strategies (trying to eliminate or suppress thoughts and feelings)
• Numbing behaviors (excessive scrolling, overeating, substance use)

These strategies often make sense in the moment—but they tend to shrink our lives over time.

Adaptive Coping with Stress

Adaptive coping is not about feeling calm all the time. It’s about responding in ways that are intentional, flexible, and aligned with your values.

Examples include:

• Pausing before reacting to create space between feeling and action
• Noticing and naming your internal experience (“I’m feeling overwhelmed right now”)
• Allowing discomfort rather than fighting it
• Grounding in the present moment (breathing, sensory awareness, body connection)
• Taking values-based action, even when stress is present (e.g., being patient, staying engaged, communicating clearly)

In ACT, this is called psychological flexibility—the ability to stay present, open, and committed to meaningful action.

The Benefits of Changing Your Relationship with Stress

When we shift from avoidance and reactivity to acceptance and intentional action, the benefits extend across every domain of life:

Physical Benefits

• Lower blood pressure
• Reduced chronic activation of stress hormones like cortisol
• Improved sleep and overall regulation
• Decreased wear-and-tear on the body (allostatic load)

Psychological & Emotional Benefits

• Less entanglement with anxious or critical thoughts
• Increased emotional resilience
• Greater sense of control and agency
• Reduced intensity of distress over time

Mental (Cognitive) Benefits

• Clearer thinking under pressure
• Improved focus and attention
• More informed, values-based decision making
• Less impulsivity and reactivity

Social & Relational Benefits

• Improved communication
• Reduced conflict driven by emotional reactivity
• Greater presence and attunement with others
• Stronger, more meaningful relationships

From Reactivity to Proactivity

One of the most powerful shifts in ACT is moving from reactivity to proactivity.

• Reactivity says: “I need this feeling to go away before I can function.”
• Proactivity says: “This feeling can come with me—and I can still choose how I act.”

Proactivity looks like:

• Anticipating stress triggers and planning your response
• Creating intentional pauses instead of automatic reactions
• Acting in alignment with your values—even when it’s hard

A Simple Practice

The next time stress arises, try this brief ACT-based check-in:

1. Notice: What am I feeling right now?
2. Allow: Can I make space for this, even just a little?
3. Choose: What action aligns with the kind of person I want to be in this moment?

Then take one small step in that direction.

Final Thought

Stress is not a sign that something is wrong with you—it’s a sign that you are human and engaged in life.

The goal is not to eliminate stress, but to build a life where stress no longer dictates your actions.

When we change how we respond to stress, we don’t just feel better—we live better.

Over the past few weeks, my household has been deep in what many parents know all too well: winter sick season.

I am a working mother of three children, two of whom are still in preschool and daycare. Since the middle of February, our home has been visited by strep throat, norovirus, coxsackie virus, the common cold, and fevers that seemed to take forever to break.

First my two-year-old got sick. Then, just a few days later, my five-year-old followed.

There were pediatrician visits. Then repeat visits.
There were disrupted routines for everyone.

There was medication refusal, frequent night wakings, and a level of sleep deprivation that only parents of sick children truly understand.

One child vomiting in the middle of the night.
Another spiking a 103.7 fever.
Lots of crying.

And while it felt like forever, the reality is that this phase lasted about three weeks.

During this time, something became very clear to me—something I often talk about with clients, but this time experienced in a deeply personal way.

Two things can be true at the exact same time.

Opposing, paradoxical, and complex emotional realities can coexist.

I love my children deeply and value being their safe space and comfort zone when they aren’t feeling well.
And I am exhausted, irritable, and anxious.

Exhausted from the lack of sleep.
Irritable because exhaustion shortens my fuse.
Anxious about what missing multiple days of work might mean for my private practice.

As my anxious mind began revving its engine and my “parent guilt” voice started whispering that I shouldn’t be tired when my children were the ones suffering, I was fortunate to access another part of my mind—the part that is kind and compassionate.

The part that reminds me:

Motherhood is hard.
Parenthood is hard.
And struggling within it does not mean we are doing it wrong.

This compassionate voice helped me remember that I am not alone, and that I have permission to feel whatever shows up for me in any given moment.

I can feel drained and deeply engaged as a parent.
I can feel frustrated and calm.
I can notice moments where I am less patient than I’d like and still be a loving, devoted mother.

Two things can be true.

Reflecting on these past weeks also reminded me of something fundamental about being human: suffering is universal. Every one of us encounters moments that stretch us beyond what feels comfortable.

But within those moments, we have a choice in how we respond.

During the turbulence of winter illness season, I tried to respond to myself with three things:

Validation:
“Of course I’m tired. Anyone would be.”

Growth:
“I am capable of handling more than I think I can.”

Compassion:
“This is hard, and I am still showing up as the kind of mother I value being.”

When we practice responding to our own suffering with validation instead of criticism, something important happens. Our nervous system softens. Our shame quiets. And we create space to keep showing up in ways that align with our values.

So this month, I invite you to reflect on your own experiences.

Can you think of a recent moment when two things were true at the same time?

Maybe you felt grateful and overwhelmed.
Proud and uncertain.
Patient and completely depleted.

And when the pangs of parental burnout (or simply human burnout) appear, consider experimenting with a compassionate phrase you can offer yourself.

Some examples might be:

• “Of course this feels hard. I’m carrying a lot right now.”
• “Two things can be true. I love my family and I am exhausted.”
• “I am allowed to feel this.”
• “This moment is hard, and I am still showing up.”
• “I can be imperfect and still be a good parent.”

Parenthood does not require perfection.
It requires presence.

And sometimes presence looks like rocking a sick child at 2:30 a.m. while reminding yourself, gently:

This is hard. And I am doing the best I can.

February is often wrapped in hearts, flowers, and messages about romantic love. But from a psychologist’s perspective, this month is also a powerful invitation to look at a quieter, more foundational relationship: the one you have with yourself.

As we step into a new year, many messages encourage us to do more, be better, and set bigger goals. Holistic psychotherapy offers a gentler—and often more sustainable—starting point: taking care of the whole you. The beginning of a new year is not just an opportunity for change, but an invitation to check in, slow down, and tend to what you’re carrying.

Emotional stress and mental health concerns rarely live in one place. They show up in our thoughts, our bodies, our nervous systems, and our relationships. Holistic psychotherapy recognizes this interconnectedness and works with it, helping you build a foundation of care that supports you throughout the year ahead.

As we turn the clocks back and the evenings arrive earlier, many working moms notice a shift — less sunlight, lower energy, and a quiet heaviness that can creep in around the edges of daily life.

If you’ve felt more tired, less motivated, or just a little “off,” you’re not alone.

This time of year brings real biological and emotional changes. The colder months and shorter days can lead to what’s known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) — or, for many, a milder version often called the “winter blues.” While it can feel discouraging, there are gentle, evidence-based ways to care for yourself and your family through the darker season.

Below are five simple, compassionate steps — rooted in Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) — to help you stay grounded, connected, and kind to yourself this winter.

Dear Community,

As a psychologist, I often see clients who feel surprisingly activated once the holiday rush is over. The decorations come down, the calendar quiets, and yet—internally—we’re still bracing. The body doesn’t always get the memo that the stressful season has passed. This is because our autonomic nervous system (ANS), the system responsible for “fight or flight,” tends to lag behind our circumstances. Even when the chaos stops, our physiology may still be running on urgency, hypervigilance, or chronic “doing.” The good news? Our bodies are wired not only for survival, but also for repair. And we can gently guide ourselves back into the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system—the state often called “rest and digest,” or by some researchers, “tend and befriend.” This is the state where we soothe, connect, repair, and replenish.

Dear Community,

Each November, we observe National Suicide Loss Survivors Day — a day dedicated to those who have lost someone to suicide. It’s a day of remembrance, solidarity, and gentle validation for the unique pain that accompanies this kind of loss.

For many, suicide loss introduces a grief that is both profound and complex — a form of mourning that often exists outside the rhythms of “typical” grief. There can be unanswered questions, lingering guilt, shame, or even anger mixed with love. These layers can make the healing process feel disorienting and, at times, isolating.

This day holds personal meaning for me. My own experience with suicide loss has deeply shaped how I understand both grief and resilience — not just theoretically, but humanly. In the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing reflections and pieces of my story on my social media platforms. 

My hope is that these glimpses might help others feel seen in their own experiences or find language for emotions that have long gone unnamed.

If you’d like to follow along, you can connect with me here: