Dear Readers, 

Reflecting on Recent Mental Health Awareness Initiatives

Last month there was a strong focus on world mental health. In line with my values as a psychologist, and also as a mother, a daughter, a partner, a colleague, a consumer, and a friend, I participated in two important walks in an effort to spread awareness of the mental health resources that are available, to reduce to stigma that is placed on those who suffer with their own mental health, and to hold space and remember all those who have lost their life in their battle with mental health through substance abuse or suicide. Namely, on October 26th, 2024, my family and I walked in the 7th Opioid/Fentanyl Awareness Walk hosted by Essex Health & Wellness Recovery Center on Bloomfield Avenue from Newark to Caldwell, and on October 27th, 2024, we participated in the Out of the Darkness Community Walk at Verona Park hosted by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

The Duality of the Holiday Season

To piggyback off the crucial mental health initiatives engaged in last month, I thought I would use this newsletter as a forum to begin the discussion of grief & grieving during the holiday season, which is just around the corner. For many of us, the holiday season can be a bittersweet one, as we both cherish the special time and memories made with friends and family that are here and present with us now, and as we mourn the loss of loved ones that are no longer with us at our holiday dinner table. 

Honoring Loved Ones Through Traditions

Many of us find healing and strength when we continue to honor our loved ones lost through storytelling, creating a memory book, visiting their final resting place, cooking their favorite dishes, playing their favorite music, and perhaps even dedicating a special ornament to represent their memory. It’s important that you find and develop new traditions that work for you and your family as it pertains to celebrating the holiday season when it is met with grief and sadness over the death of a loved one. One tradition that many have found to be valuable was to incorporate a holiday memorial by lighting five candles on a wreath to commemorate and honor their loved one.

The Five-Candle Holiday Memorial

If you are interested in trying out this tradition, I would invite you to use the phrases below (of course using your own language that works best for you) as you engage in this holiday memorial:

“As we light these five candles in honor of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories, one for our love, and one for our hope”.

Candle 1: “This candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds of the depth of our love for you.”

Candle 2: “This candle represents our courage – to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other, and to change our lives.”

Candle 3: “This candle is in your memory – the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, and the caring and joy you gave us.”

Candle 4: “This candle is the light of love. As we enter into this holiday season, day by day, we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift of your living brought to each of us.”

Candle 5: “And this candle is the light of hope. It reminds us of love and memories of you that are ours forever. May the glow of the flame be our source of hopefulness now and forever. We love you and we miss you.”

Finding Meaning and Compassion During Difficult Times

As we all enter into this holiday season, I would invite you to connect with your heart’s deepest values; to connect with whom and what matters most to you; to connect with the moments that are truly meaningful and sweet; all while holding a compassionate space for the more difficult feelings that can arise through grief and loss.

Please remember to be kind towards yourself and others, and to allow yourself grace during painful moments.