The Montclair Therapist Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna Psy.D. Therapist in Montclair NJ

Walking Together Towards Hope: Suicide Prevention and How You Can Help – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Walking Together Towards Hope: Suicide Prevention and How You Can Help - by The Montclair Therapist, Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

August 2024 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers, 

 

Before we being…

I’m excited to share some special news before diving into this month’s focus. My practice has officially rebranded, and I’m thrilled to introduce you to The Montclair Therapist! This rebrand includes a refreshed website and expanded social media presence. Moving forward, you’ll find all of my content, including newsletters, on Instagram, X (formerly Twitter), Pinterest, YouTube, and TikTok under the handle @TheMontclairTherapist.

My new website, www.themontclairtherapist.com, offers in-depth information about my services, a curated selection of mental health resources, and step-by-step guidance for coordinating care with your insurance provider. This rebrand is close to my heart, and I look forward to connecting with you in new, engaging ways to continue supporting your mental health journey.

 

September is National Suicide Prevention Month

For my newsletter this month, I would like to draw your attention to September’s mental health awareness initiative: National Suicide Prevention Month. This awareness campaign runs all month long, with September 8th through 14th being National Suicide Prevention Week, and September 10th being World Suicide Prevention Day. Let’s take a deep dive into some important facts about suicide, warning signs of someone who is thinking about suicide, and what we as a community can do to help. 

 

Suicide by the Numbers

Did you know that …

    1. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States, being the 2nd leading cause of death amongst people ages 15-24
    2. In 2020, 46,000 Americans died by suicide
    3. In 2020, 12.2 million adults had serious thoughts of suicide, 3.2 million made a suicide plan, and 1.2 million attempted to take their own life
    4. 40% of those who complete suicide have a history of a previous attempt 
    5. 9 out of 10 people who attempt suicide and survive do not go on to complete suicide at a later date
    6. Suicide rates are highest among adults ages 45-64 at 19.6 per 100,000. The second highest rate is 19.4 per 100,000 among those 85 years or older
    7. Compared with middle-aged older adults, younger populations have consistently lower suicide rates
    8. Males are four times more likely to do die by suicide; Females are three times more likely to attempt suicide
    9. Those with substance abuse disorders are six times more likely to complete suicide than those without
    10. 8 out of 10 people who are considering suicide give some sign of their intentions. Talking about suicide is not a typical response to stress. All talk of suicide should be taken seriously and be addressed immediately.

Warning Signs

Please note that any of the below listed warning signs do not necessarily mean that a person is considering suicide, but several of these symptoms together may signal a need for help:

    • Verbal statements such as, “you’d be better off without me” or “maybe I won’t be around.”
    • Expressions of hopelessness and helplessness
    • Previous suicide attempts
    • Daring or risk-taking behavior
    • Personality changes
    • Depression
    • Giving away valued and important possessions
    • Lack of interest in future plans

 

What We Can Do to Help

    • We Can All Take Action: Evidence shows that providing support services, talking about suicide, reducing access to means of self-harm, and following up with loved ones are just some of the actions we can all take to help others.
    • Hope can happen: Suicide is not inevitable for anyone. By starting the conversation, providing support, and directing help to those who need it, we can prevent suicides and save lives.
    • Refer to Crisis Centers: By offering immediate counseling to everyone who may need it, local crisis centers provide invaluable support at critical times and connect individuals to local services.

Crisis Resources

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. You can also reach Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741.

    • 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988
    • The TrevorLifeline for LGBTQIA+ Youth : 1-866-488-7386
    • Crisis Text Line : Text ‘MHA’ to 741741
    • Disaster Distress Helpline: Call 1-800-985-5990 or text TalkWithUs to 66746 to connect with a trained crisis counselor.
    • Veterans Crisis Line: Dial 988 and Press 1
    • Warmlines (For those who aren’t in crisis, but still want to talk to someone): http://www.warmline.org 

Interested in helping to reduce the stigma and raise public awareness about suicide prevention? Consider participating in your local “Out of the Darkness Community Walk”. As a community, lets come walk together, take strides in saving lives, and bring hope, one step at a time, to those affected by suicide. Find your local supporting event here: https://supporting.afsp.org/. This year, I plan in walking in the Essex County Community Walk in Verona, NJ on October 27th, 2024!

Together, we as a community can work together to spread the news that mental illness is real, treatment is available, and recovery is possible!

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

Montclair Nj Therapist

Community Involvement in Addiction Recovery – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Community Involvement in Overcoming Addiction and Addiction Recovery - by The Montclair Therapist, Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

August 2024 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Greetings community!

 

Save and Reflect on Mental Snapshots of Your Summer

This summer really has flown on by. I would like to invite readers to take this moment to allow for self-reflection on the highlights and sweet spots of your summer experience. Once you have given yourself a chance to do so, take a mental picture of these delicious memories, and store them somewhere in your memory bank to easily access when life gets rough as a reminder that sweeter things are sure to come as you turn the corner.

 

International Overdose Awareness Day

Now, getting back to regularly scheduled programming, welcome to August! There is a very important mental health initiative that is near and dear to my heart occurring on Saturday, August 31st, 2024 which is International Overdose Awareness Day (IOAD). This is the world’s largest annual campaign to prevent and end overdose, remember without stigma or judgment those who died by the disease of addiction, and to acknowledge the grief of family members and friends left behind.

 

The Importance of Unity

The theme for this 2024 initiative is “Together We Can”. This slogan highlights the power of our community at large when we all stand together to fight for a change. Addiction is not an isolated disease only affecting those that are afflicted. Addiction is a family and community disease that cannot be resolved individually. Community involvement in addiction recovery plays a crucial role in reducing feelings of isolation and providing individuals with the necessary support, understanding, and sense of belonging on their journey towards sobriety.

 

Support One Another

We need the strength of each other to lean on, to learn from, and to advocate for, greater awareness of mental health needs and the real-life consequences of untreated substance abuse and addiction. Addiction is not a “phase” that someone will “get over”.  No one should stand alone in our fight to end overdose. Together We Can allows those who are connected to the tragedy of overdose to not feel alone or ashamed. 

 

Share Your Story

For those grieving family members and friends who have been left behind by a loved one’s overdose, please know that you are not alone. A large part of your healing journey is sharing your story about how your loved one lived, as opposed to how they died. If you would like to commemorate and celebrate a loved one’s life, you are invited to add a Tribute in their honor. Tributes will be posted on this website as soon as they are approved.

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

June 2024 - The Montclair Therapist Newsletter Cover Photo

Understanding PTSD: Signs, Symptoms, and Support Strategies – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Understanding PTSD: Signs, Symptoms, and Support Strategies - by The Montclair Therapist, Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

June 2024 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Understanding Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Hello Readers, and welcome to the month of June! This month, the mental health awareness initiative is centered around raising awareness of the signs and symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and ways that our community can help those suffering with PTSD. According to the National Center for PTSD, about 6 out of 10 men (60%), and about 5 out of 10 women (50%), will experience at least one form of trauma throughout their lifetime. While some individuals may recover from their traumatic experience within a few weeks, others may take months, or even years. For some, PTSD symptoms will not appear until long after the traumatic event occurred. It is important to know, and even more important to share, that PTSD is a real and debilitating mental health diagnosis, treatment is available, and recovery is possible. It is crucial to acknowledge the significant effects of trauma and to seek the appropriate treatment, rather than avoiding it. 

 

What is PTSD?

PTSD is a mental health condition that can develop in some people after they have experienced, witnessed, or learned about a life-threatening event or serious injury. 

 

What is considered a life threatening or traumatic event?

Some examples of life-threatening events can include combat or exposure to a war zone in the military or as a civilian; natural disasters such as tornados, floods, tsunamis, hurricanes, or earthquakes; transportation accidents such as a car accident, boating accident, train wreck, or plane crash; a serious accident that occurred at work, home, or during a recreational activity; exposure to toxic substances such as dangerous chemicals or radiation; being diagnosed with a serious medical condition such as terminal cancer or a traumatic brain injury; physical assault such as being attacked, hit, slapped, kicked, or beaten; assaulted with a weapon such as being shot at, stabbed, or threatened with a knife, gun, or bomb; sexual assault that can include rape or attempted tape, made to perform any type of sexual act through force or threat of harm, or any other unwanted to uncomfortable sexual experience; severe human suffering; sudden violent death such as homicide or suicide; sudden accidental death; or serious harm, injury, or death you caused to someone else.

 

What are the symptoms of PSTD?

    1. Re-experiencing symptoms: repeated, disturbing, and unwanted memories of the traumatic experience; nightmares and flashbacks; having strong physical reactions when reminded of the trauma such as rapid heart rate, sweating, flushed face, and trouble breathing
    2. Avoidance symptoms: avoiding memories, thoughts, or feelings related to the traumatic experience; avoiding external reminders of the traumatic experience such as people, places, conversations, activities, objects, and situations.
    3. Changes and alterations in mood and cognition: having trouble remembering some or all parts of the trauma experience; having strong negative beliefs about yourself, other people, and the world such as “I am bad”, “The world is a dangerous place”, “No one can be trusted”, “There is something seriously wrong with me”; intense feelings of guilt, shame, blame, anger and irritability; loss if interest in activities previously enjoyed; feeling distant and cut off from others; having trouble experiencing positive emotions such as being unable to feel happiness or have loving feelings towards those that are close to you
    4. Increase in arousal and reactivity: irritable behavior, angry outbursts, acting aggressively; feeling “keyed up” or “on edge;” being “on guard” or watchful often; difficulty sitting still; feeling jump and easily startled; difficulty concentrating and making decisions; trouble falling and staying asleep

 

What are some ways people try to cope with PTSD on their own?

Due to the stigma, shame, and misconceptions of this diagnosis, many people try and cope by themselves through means that offer short term relief but longer term negative consequences towards themselves, their relationships, and their overall quality of life that can include: excessive alcohol and drug use, misusing prescription medications; engaging in risky sexual behaviors, engaging in other types of risky behaviors such as driving significantly over the speed limit or walking in unsafe neighborhoods; engaging in excessive physical altercations, gambling, overeating, undereating, self-harming, or thinking about or planning one’s death, to name a few.

 

How can you help someone who is suffering from PTSD?

    1. Learn about PTSD and how it can affect the whole person.
    2. Listen to the individual when they say they are not ready to do something about it.
    3. Be there for them with a kind, listening ear, without trying to fix them.
    4. Encourage them to seek treatment from a qualified, trained, licensed professional such as a psychologist or licensed clinical social worker.
    5. Combat stigma: challenge the stigma surrounding PTSD, be mindful of your own language and attitudes, promote open non-judgemental conversations about mental health struggles in your circles, encourage others to see PTSD not as a sign of someone’s weakness or failure, but rather as a sign of a person’s resilience.

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

May 2024 - Dr. Aster Newsletter Cover Photo

May is Mental Health Awareness Month – Here are 4 Easy Activities You Can Do To Support Your Mental Health – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D. – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

May is Mental Health Awareness Month - Here are 4 Easy Activities You Can Do To Support Your Mental Health - by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D. - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

May 2024 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers,

 

May is National Mental Health Awareness Month

Hello there! I hope you are all having a fabulous start to your May. As some of you May know, May is National Mental Health Awareness Month. The focus of this important and meaningful initiative is geared toward raising awareness of mental health conditions; destigmatizing mental health conditions; advocating for mental health policies; and opening up the lines of communication that mental health is essential to our physical and emotional well-being.

 

4 Easy Activities to Support Your Mental Health

For this reason and this cause, the body of this month’s newsletter is geared towards offering resources to support your own mental health. Each of the mental health activities listed below have been shown to be particularly helpful for those who may be struggling with depression and anxiety, as well increasing focus and concentration, total well-being, and feelings of positivity and vitality. The list below can be practiced both individually and as a group. 

 

1. Mindfulness: this practice involves paying attention to the present moment, on purpose, with intention, and without judgment. Practices can include guided meditations, body scan, mindful eating, mindfulness of everyday tasks, and mindful walking. Check out the smart phone app Insight Timer or Calm to experience a guided meditation for yourself today!

2. Gratitude Journaling: an excellent way to begin your day with a grateful heart and appreciative mind. For this exercise, you are asked to write down three things you are thankful for before you start your day. Feel free to use simple phrases, words, or even symbols/artwork to describe who and what you are grateful for.

3. Outdoor Mental Wellness Activities: this can be anything and everything that is done mindfully outside! Hiking, taking a walk, observing nature, observing animals out in nature, listening to the ocean waves, feeling your toes in the sand, gardening, running, etc.

4. Music Therapy: this practice entails you listening to your favorite genre of music,  your favorite artist(s), your favorite song, singing, playing instruments, watching and observing another musician engage in their craft. One of the many benefits of music therapy is that it can help individuals express themselves in ways that might be difficult to express through words alone.

Can you think of another mental health activity not listed that would be in the service of promoting well-being, feelings of positivity, focus and concentration, and an overall sense of groundedness? 

 

Try it out!

I encourage you to make the commitment to engage in one (or more) mental health activity(ies) at least once per day for the entire month of May. You might think about taking a before and after snapshot of your total sense of well-being on a scale from 0-10, where 10 would mean you are feeling your optimal best, and 0 would mean you are feeling stuck in place, crippled by anxiety/stress/depression, etc.

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

April 2024 - Dr. Aster Newsletter Cover Photo

“I see you and I hear you.” The benefits of offering validation to young adults who are struggling – Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

“I see you and I hear you.” The benefits of offering validation to young adults who are struggling - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

April 2024 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers,

 

At age 18, our teenage children are now considered to be adults by law. But does the legal age of adulthood match the requisites required to function well as an adult while our young adults’ brains are still developing well into their mid to late twenties?

 

Understanding Young Adulthood

As we think about young adulthood (ages ~18 through 26) there are many struggles that our young adults face that can create obstacles to optimal functioning and success. Such struggles can include:

    1. Having limited ability, courage, and practice advocating for oneself which can engender deficits in one’s self-esteem
    2. Using ineffective strategies to regulate one’s emotions and problem solve when facing challenging situations
    3. Due to the comfort of communicating via the digital world, our young adults now are experiencing a dearth of socio-emotional skills in the real world
    4. An unknowingness of the importance of self-reflection, growth, learning from failures, and personal victories

The Power of Validation

So, what can we do as parents/caregivers/professors/coaches/mentors etc. of these young adults who are struggling to thrive in our current climate? Like everyone else, our adult children can benefit greatly from validation. Feeling validated offers this age group (and most others) the chance to feel heard, feel seen and feel understood. When their frustrations and challenges are acknowledged and recognized, their experience of isolation and “differentness” lessens. Validating our young adults’ experience can enhance their self-esteem, improve their communication skills, and increase trust and resilience. It can motivate them to engage in effective committed action to face their challenges head on. Validation allows this group of folks to be more willing to express vulnerability all while staying connected to their values.

What can validation sound like?

    1. “I can understand why you feel that way.”

    2. “That must have been really hard.”

    3. “I can tell this is really important to you.”

    4. “I believe in you and I am here for you.”

Given your own historical context and early emotional learning, offering validating statements can feel unusual, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable. Many of us have been taught and still believe in the idea that harsh self-criticism is a catalyst to behavior change. This just is not the case. While it may work in the short-term, in the long term it leads to more inner struggles, self-doubt, depression, anxiety, among others. Choosing validation means that you choose to see your young adult whole-heartedly, accepting the totality of them, their strengths as well as their areas of growth.

This not only fosters a deeper connection with your young adult, it also promotes a more compassionate inner narrative within your young adult to be able to tackle the curveballs of life.

 

Take Action, Practice Validation

If you are willing, think about how you can offer a validating statement or phrase to a young adult in your life that you know is experiencing hardship. What might it sound like? 

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

DAAM - March 2024 Newsletter Cover Photo

Speaking Points in Therapy: Do I Need an Agenda? – Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Speaking Points in Therapy: Do I Need an Agenda? - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

March 2024 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers,

 

If you are new to the therapeutic process, or even if you are a seasoned veteran, choosing what to share with your therapist can be an unnerving process. Please note that you are not going at it alone for the total 50-minute therapy hour. You can expect some help from your therapist along the way. The most ambiguous yet simple answer to the question of “What should I talk to my therapist about today?” is “whatever you want.” However, for a more concrete response to this common question, you could think about the rationale and reason on why you decided to embark on therapy in the first place, and start there. Frequently, folks that have made the intentional commitment to begin therapy are aware that there is some aspect within their life that is not working for them, or that is causing psychological distress and suffering.

 

What Brought You to Therapy? 

Some typical reasons for saying “yes” to therapy are: grief/loss issues, past trauma, substance use/misuse/abuse, difficulties at work and/or in relationships with family, friends, and/or intimate partners, major depression, extreme anxiety, perfectionistic tendencies, family of origin “stuff,” and sexual identity issues, to name a few.

 

It is almost unnecessary to bring in pre-contemplated material in an effort to fill a full 50-minute therapy session because in most cases, your therapist will also have questions to ask of you; will be able to note on non-verbal behavior patterns; comment on your thought processes and feeling states; and help to guide the conversation. This is especially true if your therapist employs an evidence-based framework utilizing more modern approaches to treatment such as Acceptance and Commitment therapy (like myself!), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and other acceptance and mindfulness-based therapies.

 

However, if you are ridden with anxiety and feeling stuck, or have no idea why you are experiencing this bout of depression, or are overall well-functioning, for example, some questions to consider are:

      • Why did I choose to seek therapy at this point in my life? 

      • Is there any place in my life that I feel stuck or stagnant in?

      • What is the quality of my interpersonal relationships? Am I satisfied with them or is there room for change?

 

The Role of Vulnerability in Therapy

All this to say, do you need an agenda to think about before your therapy session begins? The short answer is no. While it is completely within the realm of reason to not know where to start, the true magic happens in therapy when you choose vulnerability over avoidance, and allow yourself to share the un-sharable. You would be surprised how often I hear from the amazing folks I work with say towards the end of the session “Wow, I didn’t think we’d go here today!” or “Wow, I had no idea I would bring that up with you during this session.” More often than not, the therapeutic dance of back-and-forth banter combined with clinical expertise and courageous vulnerability can lead to rich, informative, and transformational conversation and learning experience.

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

February 2024 - Dr. Aster Newsletter Cover Photo

Moral Code in Intimate Relationships: What do we value, and how do we live by it? An example of Loyalty and Love – by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Moral Code in Intimate Relationships: What do we value, and how do we live by it? An example of Loyalty and Love - by Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

February 2024 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers, 

 

The Essence of Loyalty in Romance

 

When it comes to what encompasses the quality of a romantic interpersonal connection, it is loyalty (emotional, physical, psychological) that is unique in acting as a moral code; a value to hold dearly and return back to when we face relational challenges, over and over again. But what is loyalty? How can it be demonstrated in an intimate relationship?

Invisible Support Strengths Bonds

Loyalty can be conveyed as providing consistent emotional support, when your partner is brave and willing enough to ask for it, and even more so when they don’t (invisible support). Providing invisible support relies heavily on your own self-awareness which then fosters awareness of your partner. It is the subtle, nonobvious altruistic act of strengthening your romantic bond by noticing your partner’s needs, allowing them to feel heard, seen, protected, respected, and loved, while being secure enough to not need recognition or credit.

“Actions speak louder than words!”

What are some ways that we can provide invisible support? Below are a few examples. As you read through, see if you can come up with any of your own examples specific to your romantic partner’s unique needs.

 

      1. Having dinner prepared and ready to eat before your partner gets home from a day’s work.
      2. Folding the laundry in the basket that has been sitting there out of the dryer for days.
      3. Filling your partner’s gas tank.
      4. Saying “yes” to watching a show that your partner likes, even though it may not be your first choice.
      5. Simply showing up for your partner, allowing them to vent and talk, while resisting the urge to problem solve. Simply being there, open and authentically listening, holding their hand, offering a hug, and saying “I love you.”
      6. Engaging in healthy behaviors together, especially when you notice your partner is feeling burnt out, such as sleeping in when possible; exercising together; cooking healthy meals with each other; suggesting that you need a date night or a weekend away to rest and relax.

Happy Valentines Day!

The act of being a loyal partner is necessary to build foundational trust and the feeling of safety and security in a relationship. With loyalty comes liberation – and the ability for each partner to share their own vulnerable, personal self-narrative without shame, with true freedom. The best relationships increase our quality of life and make life better, and the best partners can help make this happen in ways that we may never see.

Cheers to your effort in engaging in invisible support in your own romantic relationship this Valentine’s Day and beyond!

If you would like to sign up for my monthly newsletter, please email [email protected] to be added to the mailing list or enter your email address below.

*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris

January 2024 - Dr. Aster Newsletter Cover Photo

Understanding and Overcoming Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D. – Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

Understanding and Overcoming Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D. - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair, NJ

January 2024 Newsletter

The Montclair Therapist - Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D - Licensed Psychologist in Montclair NJ

Dear Readers, 

 

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone is having a happy and healthy new year in 2024. Starting in the new year, my monthly newsletters are going to function a bit differently. During the 1st half of the month, the newsletter will have a specific focal point in an area of clinical psychology, and will then be expanded upon in a blog that others can engage in on my website during the 2nd half of the month.

This month, I would like to focus on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – what it is, what it can look like, and how to heal from it.

 

Did you know that the word “trauma” literally means “soul wound”?

Trauma is the Greek word for ‘wound’, while Psyche is the Latin word for ‘soul’. Within my therapeutic framework of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy  (ACT), a modern spin on traditional Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I work intensively with every aspect of an individual’s “wounds of the soul” such as a person’s thoughts, feelings, painful or scary memories, sensations, urges, and the physical body itself. The overall goal of ACT for trauma is to help individuals get unstuck from old patterns of responding and behavior that no longer serves them in their current life, help them to heal their pasts, reclaim their lives, and build new futures.

 

What makes a traumatic event, well, traumatic? 

This event (or for many people, a sequence of events) is experienced directly, or witnessed/learned about, that involves a significant degree of actual or threatened physical/sexual or psychological harm to oneself or others. Some examples include: Miscarriage, murder, suicide, divorce, death, disaster, violence, rape, torture, accidents, injuries, illnesses, medical/surgical trauma; incidents where people instigate, perpetuate, fail to prevent, or witness actions that violate or contradict their own moral code. One’s reactions to such events tend to be disturbing and distressing, coupled with an inability to cope with such reactions.

Common reactions include re-experiencing the event in the form of nightmares, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts or images; extremes of hyperarousal in the form of rising anger, irritability, difficulty sleeping and hypervigilance (aka, “flight or fight mode”), and hypoarousal, in the form of feeling immobilized, body shutting down, depression, disengagement, and numbing (aka., “freeze mode”).

At the very core of PTSD is an individual’s engagement in what is called in ACT “experiential avoidance” which is one’s ongoing attempt to avoid or get rid of unwanted thoughts (e.g., “Am I going to die?”), feelings (e.g., debilitating fear, shame), sensations (e.g., tight chest, difficulty swallowing), and memories (e.g., who, what, where, when details of the event) – even when doing so is problematic, and perhaps even dangerous. At the very core of ACT treatment for PTSD, is compassionate based exposure. What does this mean? Well, it involves gently yet deliberately contacting the “difficult stuff” in an effort to learn new, more helpful ways of responding to it.

 

Your Inner Child Work 

When working with clients to heal their past, there is a strong focus on “inner child” work, exposure to traumatic events, grieving, and forgiveness. When engaging in building a better future with clients, there is a strong focus on goal setting based on what truly matters to the person, as we aim for post-traumatic growth.

Join me next in my blog post where I will walk you through a real-life case example of how utilizing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for trauma related disorders can help change the trajectory of one’s own life post-trauma, and build a radically beautiful life worth living.

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*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*

Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.

(She/Her/Hers)

NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ

Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology

Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris