Dear Reader,
Ah, summer—long days, late sunsets, and… rising tempers? Whether it’s the heat, the social obligations, or just too many people in your personal space, summer has a sneaky way of turning up not just the thermostat, but your emotional temperature too.
We call these moments emotional heat waves—when frustration, anger, anxiety, or irritability come rushing in like a sudden summer storm. They’re uncomfortable, overwhelming, and if we’re not careful, they can lead to reactions we later regret.
This month, we’re focusing on a skill from mindfulness-based therapy called urge surfing—a tool that helps you ride out the emotional wave without wiping out.
🌊 What Is Urge Surfing?
Urge surfing is a technique originally developed in the context of addiction and impulse control, but it’s incredibly effective for regulating any intense emotion. The idea is simple:
Emotions and urges come in waves. They rise, peak, and fall—if we don’t act on them.
Rather than trying to suppress or immediately respond to an intense feeling (like yelling, shutting down, or stress-eating that third popsicle), we ride the wave—staying present with the urge, observing it without judgment, and letting it pass on its own.
🧊 Why Urge Surfing Works in Emotional Heat Waves
When we’re emotionally overheated, our brains shift into survival mode. That’s when we say or do things we later wish we could take back. Urge surfing helps cool the system by:
- Creating space between feeling and action
- Helping us stay grounded in the present moment
- Reminding us that feelings are temporary
Instead of reacting from the heat, we respond from a place of calm.
🏄♀️ How to Urge Surf in 4 Steps
- Notice the Wave Coming
Pause and name the emotion or urge: “I’m feeling really angry right now.”
No need to judge it. Just notice it—like you’d watch a wave forming on the horizon.
- Breathe and Stay with It
Focus on your breath. Try a simple rhythm: in for 4, out for 6.
Breathe through the feeling, not against it.
- Observe the Sensation in the Body
Where do you feel it? Tight chest? Clenched jaw? Racing heart?
Track the physical sensation like a surfer staying balanced on their board.
- Watch the Wave Peak and Pass
Most emotional waves last just 90 seconds—if we don’t add fuel to them.
Remind yourself: “This will pass. I don’t have to act on it.”
☀️ Your Summer Mantra:
“I ride the wave. I don’t get pulled under.”
Like the ocean, emotions are powerful—but they’re also natural. And just like waves, they don’t last forever.
Final Thought:
Next time you feel the heat rising—emotionally or literally—see if you can pause, breathe, and ride the wave. You might just find that your calm is more powerful than the storm. Here’s to staying grounded, cool, and in control—even in the middle of life’s hottest moments.
Until next month,
Your favorite enabler of Mental Wellness
The Montclair Therapist
Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.
(She/Her/Hers)
NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ
Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology
Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science
Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris
*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*
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