Dear Readers,
We’ve all been there—wanting to move forward, but feeling like our biggest obstacle isn’t the world around us… it’s ourselves. Whether it’s overthinking, procrastination, or that inner voice whispering “you’re not ready yet”, sometimes the hardest part of growth is stepping aside so we can actually take the step forward.
So, how do you get out of your own way? Psychology gives us some tools:
1. Notice Your Inner Roadblocks
Our brains are wired for self-protection, but sometimes that protective wiring backfires. Fear of failure, perfectionism, or old critical beliefs can quietly keep us stuck. Start by noticing the story you’re telling yourself: “I can’t handle this,” “I’ll mess it up,” or “It has to be perfect.” Simply naming these thoughts (“Ah, there’s my perfectionism again”) gives you a chance to loosen their grip.
2. Practice “Good Enough” Action
Behavioral science shows that action often precedes motivation—not the other way around. Instead of waiting until you feel confident, try practicing “good enough” steps. Send the draft, make the phone call, go for the first 10 minutes of exercise. Done is often better than perfect. Small, imperfect actions build momentum and confidence.
3. Step Into the Observer Seat
Mindfulness techniques invite us to see thoughts and feelings as passing experiences, not absolute truths. When anxiety says, “Don’t try, you’ll fail,” practice responding with curiosity: “Thanks, mind. I hear you. And I’m still going to try.” This psychological distancing helps reduce self-sabotage.
4. Align with Your Values
When you feel stuck, reconnect with what actually matters to you. Research in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) suggests that anchoring choices to values (“I value growth,” “I value connection”) helps you persist even when doubt or discomfort shows up. Values give you a compass when your inner critic tries to take the wheel.
5. Remember: Self-Compassion Is Not Self-Indulgence
Many people think being hard on themselves will push them forward. In reality, self-compassion is a stronger motivator. According to Dr. Kristin Neff’s research, treating yourself with kindness during setbacks increases resilience and persistence. Instead of asking, “Why can’t I get it together?”, try asking, “What support do I need right now to move one small step forward?”
The Takeaway:
Getting out of your own way doesn’t mean silencing all doubts forever. It means learning to recognize them, thank them for trying to keep you safe, and then choosing to move forward anyway. Growth rarely feels comfortable—but it often feels meaningful.
Until next month,
Your favorite enabler of Mental Wellness
The Montclair Therapist
Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.
(She/Her/Hers)
NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ
Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology
Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science
Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris
*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*
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