There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from struggling while trying to look like you’re doing just fine.
You answer the emails. Get the kids where they need to go. Meet the deadline. Remember the birthday. And when someone asks how you are, “Good, just busy!” comes out almost automatically.
Meanwhile, you may be carrying worry, sadness, resentment, or the quiet feeling that you have very little left to give.
As a psychologist, I want to offer this reminder for World Mental Health Day on October 10th, 2026: You can be capable and still need support. You can love your life and still feel overwhelmed by it. There is room for both.
Many of us have learned that being okay means staying productive, keeping difficult emotions private, or handling everything ourselves. Over time, those expectations can make it harder to acknowledge our own needs. We may even judge ourselves for having them: I should be more grateful. Other people have it worse. Why can’t I handle this?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT, invites us to notice those judgments and make space for what we are actually experiencing. We might begin with a simple acknowledgment: This is a hard moment. I’m noticing anxiety. I’m tired. I could use some care.
We don’t have to like these feelings or rush to change them. Acknowledging them gives us an opportunity to respond with greater awareness and kindness.
ACT also asks: With these feelings here, how do I want to care for myself?
Our values can help guide the answer. Values are the qualities we want to bring to our lives—such as connection, compassion, honesty, or curiosity. They offer a direction we can return to, even on a messy day.
Caring for yourself in line with your values might look like:
- Connection: Sending a friend a message that says, “I’ve had a difficult week. Do you have time to talk?” You can reach out while feeling vulnerable.
- Self-respect: Declining an extra commitment when you are stretched thin. Guilt may show up, and you can still honor your limits.
- Health: Making time for lunch, taking your medication as prescribed, or scheduling an appointment you’ve been postponing.
- Presence: Spending five minutes outside, noticing the air and sounds around you, while allowing unfinished tasks to remain unfinished.
- Compassion: Pausing after a mistake and saying, “I’m having a hard time. What would help me take the next step?”
- Honesty: Telling someone you trust, “I’m not doing as well as I’ve been letting on.”
Sometimes these choices bring relief. Sometimes they bring discomfort. A meaningful action can matter even when it doesn’t immediately make you feel better.
This month, try one brief check-in: What am I feeling? What matters to me here? What is one small, caring action I can take?
Keep the action small enough for the time you actually have today. One honest conversation. One nourishing meal. One request for help.
You, too, deserve care in the middle of being human.
About the Author
Dr. Amanda Aster McKenna, Psy.D. is a Licensed Psychologist based in Montclair, NJ, providing both in-person and virtual therapy across all PSYPACT states (see full list here).
She specializes in Trauma-Informed Care, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT).
In addition to her clinical practice, Dr. McKenna is a professor of psychology at Kean University in Union, NJ — and a proud working mom to three beautiful children.
Until next month,
Your favorite enabler of Mental Wellness
The Montclair Therapist
Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.
(She/Her/Hers)
NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ
Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology
Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science
Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris
*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*
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