Dear Community,
Each November, we observe National Suicide Loss Survivors Day — a day dedicated to those who have lost someone to suicide. It’s a day of remembrance, solidarity, and gentle validation for the unique pain that accompanies this kind of loss.
For many, suicide loss introduces a grief that is both profound and complex — a form of mourning that often exists outside the rhythms of “typical” grief. There can be unanswered questions, lingering guilt, shame, or even anger mixed with love. These layers can make the healing process feel disorienting and, at times, isolating.
This day holds personal meaning for me. My own experience with suicide loss has deeply shaped how I understand both grief and resilience — not just theoretically, but humanly. In the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing reflections and pieces of my story on my social media platforms.
My hope is that these glimpses might help others feel seen in their own experiences or find language for emotions that have long gone unnamed.
If you’d like to follow along, you can connect with me here:
Understanding Complex Grief
In clinical psychology, we understand that complex grief (sometimes referred to as prolonged grief disorder) emerges when the natural process of mourning becomes intertwined with trauma, confusion, or persistent yearning. This can occur after any sudden or stigmatized loss — and suicide loss is one of the most common catalysts.
Research on bereavement shows that healing is not about moving on, but about continuing bonds — finding ways to hold our connection to the person who has died while also rebuilding meaning in our own lives.
In trauma-informed care, we recognize that the nervous system also needs gentleness and grounding. The body remembers what the mind struggles to make sense of.
Supporting Yourself (and Others) Through Complex Grief
Whether you are a loss survivor yourself, a clinician supporting grieving clients, or someone walking alongside a friend, these strategies can help sustain well-being in the presence of complex grief:
- Normalize the full spectrum of emotions.
Grief after suicide often brings contradictions — sorrow and anger, love and blame, guilt and gratitude. All are valid responses to a devastating rupture. - Encourage safe connection.
Isolation deepens pain. Healing happens in spaces where people can speak their truth without judgment — through therapy, peer groups, or compassionate community. - Ground in the body.
Mindfulness, paced breathing, walking, or gentle stretching can help regulate the nervous system. These practices reconnect body and mind when grief feels overwhelming. - Honor the memory.
Rituals, creative expression, or storytelling can transform pain into meaning. They keep the bond alive in a way that fosters integration, not avoidance. - Model and allow rest.
Emotional processing is energy-intensive. Encourage rest, softness, and time away from “doing.” Stillness is not a lack of progress — it’s part of the process. - Access professional and crisis support.
If the intensity of grief becomes unbearable, professional help can provide structure and safety.
📞 In the U.S., you can reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7.
- Normalize the full spectrum of emotions.
Closing Reflection
Grief after suicide is not something to be “fixed.” It’s something to be witnessed — to be given time, space, and compassion. As we approach National Suicide Loss Survivors Day, may we remember that healing unfolds in community and that presence, not perfection, is what allows transformation.
Until next month,
Your favorite enabler of Mental Wellness
The Montclair Therapist
Dr. Amanda Aster-McKenna, Psy.D.
(She/Her/Hers)
NJ Licensed Psychologist #5888, Private Practice, Montclair, NJ
Adjunct Professor, Kean University, Department of Advanced Studies in Psychology
Manager, New York City Chapter of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science
Board Member, Mental Health Association of Essex and Morris
*Peace, Love, & Fierce Acceptance*
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